Monday, September 25, 2017

Gratitude List No. 3

Malaysian just had a long weekend last week. 3 days off from work meaning a lot of time on my hand. Had a whole day to my self on Friday. Cleaned the house, did laundry etc. Satisfied with the outcome. So, decided to spend some time with a friend. Had a good talk. Shared experience and stories etc. It was nice.

On Sunday, a friend decided to drop by. She is currently staying at my house as she had errands to run etc. The least I could do for her is to show her around. Went for an hour hike at Bukit Kiara, watched a new tv series together on Netflix and just chat. As we are somewhat the same age, same education background, thus we share same interest. It was refreshing. Yet, I prefer my time alone at home.

I am happy that I have a perfect place to call home. My decision to take up the place which is close to office was the best decision I made last year. No regrets whatsoever. I love my home.

I love the fact that I get to spend my weekend with different type of activities with different type of people. I am so grateful. 

Thinking of what to do and cook today for dinner. I have 3.5 hours to go an email to send and then I will be off.

Home sweet home 


Been feeling anxious since last week. Don't think I have a restful weekend due to this anxiety.

Over the weekend, I spent my time watching motivational videos. One of the video was by Simon Sinek explaining about all the different hormones that are release by our body during different situations. There 4 good positive hormones but there is 1 bad hormones release by the body during stressful situation i,e cortisol. It is not good as it suppress your immune system. That is why, those who work in a high stressed environment are more incline to fall sick.

I need to reset my mind and thinking. Rise above the stressful situation at work or just be braver and don't give a shit. Probably I need to do all the above to overcome my anxiety issue. It is easier to overcome all this if you can focus on something else or someone else.

When my other half was nearby, I get to separate my self between my office and personal life (most of the time). When I have to bring my work home, it will get mashup together but there will always be time that I could just stop working and focus on him. Since he is no longer around, my mind is at work all the time. I tried to set goals, personal goals, daily goals but my mind will always worry about my job. I am just scared that I am not good enough. I am scared that I made mistake. I am scared all the time now when in reality, the experience is not as scary as I think it is.

Worries and being anxious is such a waste of time. I put on this brave face everyday when my inside is just a jumble of mess. I am still not doing what I am suppose to be doing and I blame my self for that.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Gratitude List No. 2

Yesterday I had a good workout at the gym. I spend 40 mins on cardio and around 10-15mins on weight and resistance training. Today I intend to go to the class for more cardio session.

I manage to cook a nice dinner after I got back. Tuna bolognese. No pasta. Ate it with omelette and some fresh green vegies. Had a nice cup of hot cocoa and watched some Netflix. Before 10am, I am already fast asleep.

I am so grateful that I love my current house. I love having a place and living alone. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. Such a bliss.

I woke up quite early. had a good discussion and now all my work is proceeding smoothly. Its lunch time. I manage to prepare some pasta so that I can eat it with my tuna bolognese.

I need to buy some bread and refuel my car. I will do that today after gym.

It has been a good day.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Gratitude List No. 1

I am focusing and channeling my mind to focus on the good things that is happening in my life instead of the negative.

Due to my new coffee consumption habit, I have actually shed some weight. I just realised it yesterday when I put on a shirt which was smaller that what I would normally wear. Probably M size. I just need to maintain that habit.

I get to visit my new gym last weekend. I love all the equipment. If I spend enough time there sweating, I could shed serious weight!

I have so much time on my hands right now. I want to spend it working on my self. Improving my self. Physically, spiritually. I need to resume my work on improving my relationship with God. Prepare for Umrah on January. Yeah... I got my work cut out for me.

I am thinking of a social life. I don't have many friends which some will view as odd. I have a colleague who is also single. Should I spend more time with her? She is pleasant and all. Maybe we could plan a short getaway together.

Getaway. That is something I really need. Making plans to go to Tioman. I miss the island. The white sands and the blue ocean.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

I Don't Know What I Want

At this very moment, I have no idea what I want. I receive a surprising news early last week and the news threw me off balance for a week now. To date, my mind is still a ball of mess. I can't focus. I don't know how I'm feeling, I don't know what to do. What I know is that, I hate this situation I'm in right now.

I know I have to rise above the mess. I have to find the courage within me. I know all the right thing to do. I know what I am supposed to do but I don't have the will to do it. Somehow right now, I rather moped around, feeling sorry for my self. Its pathetic I know but... Argh!!!

The weekend didn't help, The work didn't help. The tears didn't help. Nothing works right now.

Not sure whether a news I have just received today will make my situation worsen or better. I may have to transfer to another company. Its temporary but it mean a change. Another change! I am flexible and all but considering everything that I have on my plate right now, I'm not sure if too much change is a good thing or not.

I do believe everything happens for a reason and if you believe in the miracle and God, you know that God only gives you what you need and whatever it is given, it is good for you. It is for the best because it is arrange by God.

What is best for me now is to let nature takes it course. Submit to God's will. Do the best that I can with what has been given to me.

Thursday, August 24, 2017


Making ends meet. That's what we as adults have to do. I earn a comfortable living but still I am tied to a budget due to financial mistakes I made in my 20s.

Hopefully, by the end of this year, I get to set aside more money for leisure such as travel and beauty and perhaps a property.

Back to the topic which is budget. I don't think that I am always on a tight budget coz my budget still give me means to splurge on things that I like. We did have a tight budget when we were in a transition period. We calculate everything. Set a budget down to every last ringgit of each day just so that we could get by for that particular month. That was then. Now, I roughly know how much I need to spend each month. If I manage to spend even lesser, that's a win for me.

I actually love calculating my budget. Feels so satisfied when I manage to crossed out items from my checklist. Will be receiving my salary soon so it means I get to review and calculate my budget for next month. I wish I can be more frugal so that I get to save up more money for vacations and nice things.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017


Is it wrong to have high expectation? Expecting someone else to be fair to you. Expecting others to treat you as you treat them.

I learned that when you expect so much from someone else, when you put so much hope on others, you will end up being dissapointed. People are naturally selfish. Human is always on their very own survival mode. Not many willing to sacrifice for you. They will always put their need first

When you know that you could not expect too much from others, why do we keep putting hopes on people other than yourself? Sadly, for the time being, I don't have a clever answer to that question.

At this very moment, all I could say is that, putting any hopes on others is such a silly thing to do. People do not care about you. They just care about themselves. Their own survival. Their own happiness.

I guess, when you are used to relying on your selves and expecting nothing from others, you will not worry about being dissapointed or be mad at those other than your selves.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

List, Listing, Listed, Lists

A few months back I read an article written by the Virgin's Founder Richard Branson whereby he loves making lists and tips of making a good list. Today I further read that making lists help to overcome anxiety and boosts creativity. No wonder I love listing out plans whenever I'm anxious.

Lets make a few short lists for fun!

Lists of food I can cook (coz I'm kinda hungry at the moment)

1. curry - vegies, eggs, chicken, beef
2. soups - same as above
3. pasta - bolognese, marinara, meatballs
4. fried rice/noodles - easy peasy
5. sandwiches - be creative! french toast everything!
6. salads - eggs and potato salad, coleslaw, chicken salad, etc
7. laksa - haven't make this in awhile
8. desserts - give me a recipe and I can do anything
9. sambal tempeh with anchovies - pack full of protein!
10. sambal udang and tempoyak - stinky but owh so good!
11. fritters - potatoes, anchovies, onions. Local snacks.

Lists of places I love in Malaysia

1. Melaka - top of the list. Its small, it has everything for everyone. History, food and culture.
2. TTDI - greenary, lots of good coffee place and so near from my house
3. Cameron Highland - cold climate, tea and fresh fruits and vegetables
4. Petaling Jaya - so many malls, so many awesome makan places, so many choices
5. Islands - Perhentian is the best, then its Tioman.
6. Taiping - the weather is always so romantic.
7. Kuala Lumpur - its a metropolitan. It has everything.  

Monday, August 7, 2017

Plans, Planning, Planners

I love making plans. When I am just struggling with current situation, when the reality is just so hard to swallow, I will make plans.

Financial plans, vacation plans, meal plans, you name it. I will make them all. Normally I do it when I'm bored alone at home. And sometimes I do it when my head is just a pile of mess waiting to explode.

However, sticking to the plan, or executing the plans are a different subject matter altogether. Making plans divert my mind from dealing with the current situation and focusing on the plans, the future, the endless possibilities.

Currently I am a bit worried about making ends meet. My budget for this month and next month is a bit affected. I took up a new insurance policy and they made a huge initial deduction. I also had to send my car for repairs and that also hurt me financially. Everything is supposed to return to normal on September and on November, i will be free from my car loans. I am sooo looking forward to that.

Honestly, I am looking forward to end this year as soon as possible. I think next year will be much much better for me.

Friday, July 28, 2017


Feel so uninspired lately. been hard to be steadfast on anything. Weight loss challenge was a total bust in my opinion. Maybe i loss a bit of weight but it so small that I don't want to even acknowledge it. Finance challenge is a total bust as well eventho my finance is still above water.

I can't wait for this year to end so that I can look forward to a new salary scale, a bonus (maybe) and a lower monthly debt repayment.

Got nothing to look forward to for the next couple of months. Feeling miserable as I am always stressed out at work. Sometimes stressed out at home as well.Thinking of a holiday, most probably in October during Deepavali.

There are many things that I need to do. Important things that I've been putting off. Why I can't just do it??

major car servicing - < 2k (estimated)
emergency funds - 6k

Those are the 2 important thing i should be working on right now. i need a system and i need to stick to it. i should just close 1 eye and transfer out my money to another acc? I should just try that out first kan? I can set aside 600 per month. No big deal. Once i pay off my car loan, I can set aside more than 1k. That is happening hopefully by November.

I hope this foul mood of mind improve soon.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Scared To Be Lonely

Sounds like a lyric to the recent hit song. Oh well... it is

M thinking of travelling but I'm scared of being alone while travelling. I have a travelling partner now, but that friend is not an adventurous type. Can be pushed to doing certain things but got mood swing one. Really prefers staying indoors type of person. Really not suitable if you want to explore and walkabout aimlessly.

I want to see small towns in England. Still... I am crushing on England hard! If I get to migrate or just became an expatriate, England is where I want to go.

I have so many plans in my mind right now. Not just travelling but also making big purchases. My car broke down last Wednesday. Managed to get it fix but since it is an old car, I'm thinking of replacing it with a new one. But it is such a big purchase. Such a waste of money when I already have a good working vehicle.

If I calculated correctly, when I finished a few loans and the hire purchase loan, I would have an extra of more than 1000 per month. Yes, I can afford to buy a new one, but the question is whether I want to or not? I would rather save all that money to travel.

Decision, decision...

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

You Can Make What You Want

So I came across this old video on law of attraction on facebook yesterday. I am not a stranger to this concept. Basically, I believe that you/I can attract anything we think and feel about. You attract what you want and what you don't want depending on which one you are thinking about more.

So today I've decided to go on a trip most probably a solo trip to Europe and may be UK. All I need to think about is that trip. I aim to make it happen in the mid of towards the end of next year. I am researching everything about the places I am going to see and the things I'm going to do.

I want to focus on ma king me happy first.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Travel Bug

This happens every once in awhile. The feeling of wanting to travel. The urge to just make plans. I'm creating alerts for flights tix to Bali, Amsterdam and UK. I'm looking at my financial and mentally calculating when I could carry out these plans. I'm looking at calendars just to see all the holidays I could utilize.

 I'm hoping I would be rewarded with a year end bonus. That would mean I have enough money to travel sometime early next year. My mom invited me to do umrah in February so, my best bet would be a few months after that coz I cant be taking back to back long leave from work.

So, practically I'm planning to go on leave May next year provided its not yet puasa month. If not, its gonna be August next year. That's a long way to go meaning I have a lot of time to plan and save up.

Should I plan for a solo trip? Never done it before. A bit scary come to think of it. But with proper planning, it should go well. Will it gonna be fun tho? You will only know once you try it right?

Monday, May 8, 2017

Draggy Monday

Had a lazy weekend which was much needed and welcomed. Today, starting the week with boredness. Work was slow and my mind is still thinking of vacation.

Been binging on The Tudors over the weekend. Just looking at the England's landscape made me feel like wanting to return back to England. I miss the cool weather and beautiful scenery. The thing is travelling overseas is so expensive. Flight tix is expensive, accommodation, ground arrangement. But to me, if you plan and manage your travel wisely, you could save much.

Should I make plans to go back to England? It has to be a 2018 plan which is such a looong way to go. Making plans doesn't cost money so why not??

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Weight Loss Updates

The effort has been fruitful. I manage to down size my clothes from XL to L. My gym operator noticed the change last week. He said that it shows I am burning more than I consume. That was the plan.

Been reducing my portion. Abstaining from fried and oily food. Ate lots of soups, salads, sandwiches and oats whenever I need my carbo. And lots of eggs. Probably had consumed more than 50 eggs this month alone. Hopefully I can be consistent. Its a bit hard to maintain it especially during weekends. But I kept pushing my self. Not allowing my self to miss gym more than 2 days in a row.

Below are photos of my favourite meals:

Grilled cheese sandwich with tomatoes and cucumber

salads with Greek yogurt

salad with boiled eggs and olive oil

stuffed omelet with cheese

granola and oats

sushi. didn't make these obviously

more salad with Greek yogurt

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Annoyance of the Day

In a dilemma. I might need to pay more for my income tax. is not that I don't have the money, its just on principle, I feel that I have paid more to the government yearly through the periodic salary deduction. Yet, after assessment, I still need to pay more. Its just annoying.

Simply annoying. I should just pay up and get it over with.

Or should i not?

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Weight Loss Challenge Update Day (2nd Week)

It has been a tough journey. I am overly tired today. Not sure whether it is because I am mentally stressed or physically tired. Work has been a challenge but fun nonetheless so I am grateful.

Updating the blog everyday is a huge challenge for me so today I will going to sum up everything I have done and eat for the past 2 weeks.

Gym Training
Started on 30th March. I tried to go every single day but due to family's plan etc, I missed 5 days of gym day. I feel sore and aching and so tired today. Really want to take a day off and just retire to bed early. But then, I would feel so guilty since I have yet to see any prominent change in my body.

Been trying to cut down on oily and salty food as well as sugary drinks. Been failing when it comes to my morning coffee. But I do try to cut down the consumption. I take that as progress nonetheless. Usual food nowadays consist of sandwiches, omelettes, soups, lots of eggs inspired dishes, lots of cucumber and tomatoes salads and granola with oats and milk.

My personal take
Gym is a struggle but I know its paying off. Pants starting to loosened. Sweating makes me feel good. Body is not as achy. Just the lethargy, I'm still struggling with each day. Food preparation, i dont mind. Its simple actually. Just need to get creative with what you have. Cost wise, it can get expensive. Expensive items; milk and fresh veggies. Otherwise, its bearable. 

Till then!

Thursday, March 30, 2017

30 Days Weight Loss Challenge - Day 1

I am planning for a beach holiday sometime in May so i need to look good in a swim suit therefore lets start with a good clean diet. So today is Day 1. I already made a mistake when I consumed a cup of coffee with condensed milk. I need to burn it off in the gym today. So yeah, I am going to the gym.

I'm gonna try to drink lots of water today and have a light lunch as well as light dinner. We'll see how it progress.

Summary of my 30 days weight loss plan.

1. hit the gym at least 5 times per week
2. low carbs, portion control, clean eating 
3. dont skip breakfast
4. be consistent and persevere!

breakfast ideas

1. egg, toast, coffee
2. oats, yogurt, coffee

dinner/lunch ideas
1. egg, cheese, tomato, lettuce sandwich
2. grill chicken salad
3. potato salad
4. grill chicken sandwich
5. just veggies
6. chicken soup

Need to work on these ideas to avoid getting bored eating the same thing.

Friday, March 17, 2017


It has been a good week and I am grateful. We have a new joiner in our department. She seems pleasant enough. It would be an interesting times ahead. She seems outspoken and very capable. Slightly older but doesn't really look it but yeah... we will be fine.

Work has been plenty as per normal. I have been on top of things most of the time. I really really try to be the best and give the best I could. I am grateful to be given the ability to just be committed to work.

I have yet to get to my happy place at work. Still feel as if I'm struggling. Especially since my boss started this new system whereby we cover each others work so that in case 1 person disappear, another one can take over. I end up having to cover for the other 2's work and my work is mostly being handled by me alone. For the time being, everything is still under control.

Enough whining. I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend. Probably hit the gym, do a bit of housework and chill. 1 week to go before payday!

Carpe diam! - A new makan place i like.It also means seize the day.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The Attitude of Gratefulness at Work

I had a pretty rough weekend last week. On Sunday I ended up in a bookstore just reading. Its been awhile since I have the chance to just sit and read. With being online getting more and more interesting due to cool apps, enhance gadget etc, its easy to forget to maintain my reading habit.

I managed to read (skim through to be exact) 3 books. 1 about migrating to Australia, 1 titled "Unlocking Happiness At Work" (I know the title coz I took a snapshot for Instagram #vain) and the last 1 was Nomadic Matt's book. How to travel the World with $50 per day (or something like that). All 3 were so interesting, but today I'm just going to touch on book no. 2.

The titled was pretty relevant to me and my colleague after what we've been through at work last week. She was under so much pressure that she cried in the office. 2 days she cried (not continuously of coz). Somehow she couldn't process our boss guidance positively. She admitted that she is not the most positive person and when she was being told off/advice in a very strong manner, she tends to look at it very, very negatively. She really feel that the boss doesn't like her or she is so slow and bad that the boss cannot tolerate her anymore etc.

I shared with her a summarized content of the book. Thought about buying the book initially but when I saw repeating points in the book, I feel that its not worth buying. 1 main point in her book is that you have to have the attitude of gratitude. The author make reference to many test to measure happiness. They asked test subject (employee) to spend 3 minutes each day to write down the things they are grateful for at the start of work. The test result shows that those who does that are happier than those who didn't.

I have read this recurring subject before. Rhonda Bernes in her book The Secret mentioned it and several other self help book also use the same point simply because it really works. So, today I am grateful for the chance to update this blog, I am grateful for the amazing company I am working for and I am super grateful for the amazing life I have today, to be able to breathe fresh cool air this morning.

Have a wonderful day ahead peeps!

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Early Confirmation

Happy day in deed. Thanks to God Almighty, today I received my confirmation letter. I was doubting my self so many times. I was complaining of how hard it is all the time. To be confirmed early, makes all the hard work and the struggle so much sweeter.

Since the confirmation comes with a bonus, I am going to start planning for an awesome holiday.

Alhamdulillah, truly I'm not worthy of all these blessings God has given me. All praises to Allah!

Monday, February 27, 2017

Work Life Balance

My company tries their best to promote work life balance. We can get flexi hours, we can claim for gym subscriptions, music class and whatever that can promotes a healthy lifestyle.

Last week, we were shaken by the passing of one of our colleague due to heart failure. She was well liked, hardworking and have been serving the company for more than 24 years. We were told that she spent long hours in the office, always working till late in the night. Everyone was sadden by the news and advice were circulating asking everyone to take good care of our own health and work cannot take precedent over our own health.

Since I did not know the deceased, I was not too affected by the news. Working with this company has it owns pros and cons. It is my first local and public listed company. The work culture is very different. Since the company is so big, its hard to know everyone except for colleagues working in the same department.

Although I do mainly cooperate works, I hardly feel that I am in a cooperate world. Its weird. This company is a down to earth cooperate company in my opinion. I'm still very new to this company so my opinion is a bit limited.

So far, life in this new company has been an adventure and a blessing. I hope to continue learning and give added value to the company in every assignment that is assign to me.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Muslims Ban in America

One for the history book. Less than a week in office, President Trump has issued several moronic Executive Orders. One of it is Muslims Ban. Its a term coined by press i supposed because basically Trump is stopping all entries to US for 7 Muslims Countries. Eventho those entering are US citizens.

Those affected are mostly Muslims travelers, immigrants and refugees. The reason for the "temporary" ban was national security. Trump wants a better vetting system in place for those visiting US from these 7 countries.

People all over the world is protesting. The amount of riot and protest in US is at all time high. Reading the news and watching the videos shared by friends in US, its devastating and surreal. Its like we are all moving backwards.

It is sad really. The land of freedom is not as free as it used to be anymore I guess.

Although Malaysia is not directly affected by the ban, I just feel that the ban is inhumane. What is those who are travelling due to business reason have families in US. They were stranded in airports for hours and according to the Executive Orders, they are to be deported. What would happened to the family?

As fellow human, I could not help but to sympathize with those who are affected. May God grant you ease in these trying times.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Where to find motivation

I'm thinking of a new routine.I'm thinking of joining a gym. To be lean and mean was last year's reso. Did not manage to achieve it for some reason.

Making somewhat the same reso again this year. But I need to put a plan in place to make sure it is possible for me to follow through and eventually achieve it. All I need is to be consistent.

I should just utilize the gym at my apartment. Or just jog up and down the hill. I don't need a gym membership actually. I just need motivation.

What could be my motivation? Looking beautiful? Nah.. I am comfortable in my own skin but I could not deny, I could look much better if my tummy is flatter and my thigh is smaller. Just need 1 little push. Probably a self reward?

Need to think of the best gift for my self now. What could it be? What do I want most? A beach holiday. That's what I want and need right now.

Need to buy a weighing scale first.

Friday, January 20, 2017


It turns out that my boss was just slightly angry at me. Overthinking caused unnecessary stress to me. At the end of the day, all was well.

There is another issue I'm currently facing. Currently overthinking and keep dwelling on it. I should have stop thinking but I will only do it once I figure it out. What should i do about it. Do I face it head on? Should I just let it be?

I should focus on making me happy. What will make me happy?Travelling makes me happy. I'm thinking of Boracay, Phuket, Amsterdam and New Zealand. Perhaps I should plan a solo trip. Some where I really like.

I really like small towns and country side in UK. Quaint coffee shops and book cafes. Cool weather. I'm thinking about the things I love but it still does not make me feel happy.

I need to reset my thoughts pronto.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Justifying Action

I chose to not follow a specific instruction because I feel that by following the instruction, the assignment will not be completed ever.

The fact that I'm defying authority is making me sick to my stomach and I'm hoping that the "authority" will not punish me when she found out about it.

But then again. I have my reason for it. And the reason is to get it done with less hassle. Let see if my argument could stand tomorrow. Its going to be my judgment day.

Monday, January 9, 2017


Somehow I'm a bit unmotivated. Is that even a word? I'm lacking drive.

I have a few things that I need to sort out with my life and I'm putting everything on hold just because I'm not ready to face reality. Reality is so scary sometimes.

I wish I am braver. Just bite the bullet! Just take the first step! Be bold! Just do it!

Easier said than done. Life is so hard? My choices make my life even harder. Choosing to be a coward makes my life harder.

I need a pushing factor. I need to push my self. Nobody is going to push me. Ugh...

Just get it over with!

Probably it could be easier if I talk it out with someone I could trust. Make plans together.

Let see whether that could work.

Friday, January 6, 2017


The 6th day of 2017. I want to put such high hopes to this year. Make big changes, be a better me but right now I feel a bit tired of it all. There are so many obstacles and I feel that the road is too hard.

My new work place is awesome. The work is hard but I know I'm learning so much. I'm still keeping my positive nature for as long as I could. Nowadays I think I'm just bored. I'm going thru life with much less enthusiasm.

I need to feel enthusiastic again. Perhaps I need a new hobby. New idea. Fresh idea.

Probably I just need fresh air.

Weekend ahead. I'm thankful for that.

Gratitude List No. 3

Malaysian just had a long weekend last week. 3 days off from work meaning a lot of time on my hand. Had a whole day to my self on Friday. Cl...