Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Part 3: Getting to Know Me (Adaptability - Am I a Social Chameleon?)

I remembered my time in Sabah. Its not a short getaway as I was there for 8 days and 7 nights. I spent 5 nights with Ridzuan's family in Kota Belud. His family house is a modern kampung house, hand built from ground up by his dad. His dad is not a professional contractor. He is a civil servant. An honest and hardworking one.

My mom's house in Johor looks somewhat the same as their house. So, I was comfortable spending several nights there. I was warned by his sister that their house is somewhat warm during the day and sometime at night. I was a bit worried at first. I can handle sleeping in freezing coldness but not hot. I can't sleep if I'm sweating. I must say I was quite nervous. 

When I first arrived at the house, it was a hot day. So I'm like... "She was not exaggerating when she said it's gonna be hot in here". However, the heat did not bother me 1 bit. There were a few nights when there were no electricity due to heavy rain. I wan not bothered. There was 1 morning when there is no running water, I was not bothered as well. There was 1 night which I hardly sleep due to stomachache, I was bothered by my stomach and that's it. I made my self several cups of black tea and made my self at home.

Looking back at these memories made me think to my self, how did I get so comfortable.  Its a foreign setting. Its been awhile since I was put in such setting. My late grandparents in Johor past aware for more than 10 years now. 

Truth be told, I was at ease. The nights when there was no electricity, I was not disturbed by it. I just sit quietly with my tablet, reading. Normally there will be mosquitoes biting me in the dark but there were none that I could remember of.

I give thanks to Allah for granting me ease all the time. Staying with a new family could get really awkward however, not in my case. There were  awkward moments, but I got through them with Allah's will.

Back to the question. Am I a Social Chameleon? 

I cannot say I am. I can strike a conversation with strangers. No issue. But I could be an awkward person when I am put in a strange uncomfortable settings.Uncomfortable settings to me is weddings, family gatherings, company functions. I took a bit of time to get comfortable. I could hardly blend in well with those settings. Or is it just a feeling of awkwardness in my head?

I do not know for sure. I pray that Allah is pleased with me and that is why He grant me such ease whilst I was spending my time in Sabah.

All praises to Allah.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Turning Back to Allah - Pleasing Him

I feel like I made a mistake. Somewhere...My heart is unsettled. The fact that I am not able to pray is not helping things at all.

I wanted to move forward planning my wedding yet something does not feels right. Is it because he has yet to send his family to speak to my family and officially seal the deal? I keep reminding my self. Those act is just formalities. If we could agree on everything between just the 2 of us and our families if coz, the formalities could be left behind. Religion before tradition.

Financial. It is a subject which I hate to think and discuss. To me, this is the subject that could ruin everything. No doubt that it is important. We need money for the ceremony, We need money to start a new life. We need money for everything but....

We always forget that Allah is the ultimate provider. He is the source to all our need. Whatever it might be, if we asked from Allah, He shall provide.

I need to shift back my focus. I need to pleased Allah. Not my self. Not anyone else. Pleased Allah first. Increase in my practice. Increase my ibadah. My good deeds. Everything I do has to be for Allah. I cannot lose that focus if I want to pleased Him.

This post is a bit all over the place. Scattered like my mind at the moment.

I'm sorry

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Thoughts 19/8/2015

Too many things are running through my mind at the moment... Just writing down part of them so that I could evaluate each of them better in sha Allah..

I've been meaning to write about my time in Sabah. I kept thinking of how blessed I was. The hospitality and the acceptance shown by the family is just unbelievable. I feel so loved by them. I am so grateful. It was harder for me to leave the family then to say good bye to Ridzuan.

I am thinking of Ridzuan all the time these days. I must confess, there are times I doubt my decision. But every time that doubt creeps up, there will be signs shown to me reaffirming my decision. He has such kind and charitable heart. He is caring and loving. I keep on praying so that Allah will ease our plans and guide our hearts.

I am thinking of the future. If Allah is pleased with us, we will get marry and then what? Keep leaving separately? What if I got pregnant and he is far? Should I be thinking of all this when we are not even sure that we will get marry?

I want to properly plan my marriage ceremony. I did make a rough plan however, after we had a discussion on financial situation, I put everything on hold. I should be praying to Allah more. Ask Him to satisfy all my needs. We should be prostrating to Him more. Asking Allah to ease our plans and provides us with everything we need. Deep inside my heart, I firmly believe that, if Allah is pleased with our plans, He shall ease all our hardship. So lets refocus. Aim to pleased Allah more because we are asking him for more things now. Bigger things, better things.

Allah please forgive us if we have forsaken you....

These are part of the many many things that are preoccupying my mind rite this moment. Need to write more.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Raya 2015 (Part 2)

Alhamdulillah. I have safely landed in KLIA2 late last night. 8 days flew by so quickly in Sabah. I had an awesome time. Just sharing some of the pics. Will write more soon, insyaAllah...

Gratitude List No. 3

Malaysian just had a long weekend last week. 3 days off from work meaning a lot of time on my hand. Had a whole day to my self on Friday. Cl...