Medical Psychology

This is a long post. This is just my mental note so that I do not forget these 2 important events.

Late last year, I had the scare of my life when I heard the news that 1 of my close friend went missing for almost a week. Knowing her and her character, we jumped to the worst conclusion ever. I just silently hope and prayed that she was fine. May Allah protect us all.

A week after the news that she was missing went viral on social media, she was found. She checked herself into a mental hospital and went for ruqyah sessions. Apparently she was a victim of black magic. The person who did that was someone who has been eyeing for her position in the university (my friend is a lecturer). I remember discussing her condition with my ex-bf. I simply asked him if anyone would find me in case i went missing. If anyone would even noticed that I was gone. Would he feel worried etc... Being a nice guy that he is, of course he gave me the kind of answer I want to hear.

Who would have known that, a few months after that, my ex-bf faced somewhat similar situation. However, his condition was more extreme because he was admitted into a mental hospital. He was diagnosed with psychosis. His mental just got disconnected with reality and he just keep on rumbling nonsense.

I get to visit him when he was less than 10 days in the hospital. Prior to the visit, I spoke with him over the phone almost everyday. Just asking him what he wants to eat, how is he doing etc and telling him that I am coming to visit. There was one time that he told me no need to come as he was planning to come over to KL. just to get away from things and rest. I just told him, i want to see him and let me know if he needs anything.

I flew to KK on a Saturday morning. A friend picked me up from the airport and we went to the hospital with 2 buckets of KFC coz that what he asked for. When we arrived, his family (mom, aunty and sisters) were already there. It was lunch time. The first time he saw me, he looked so confuse. As if he didn't know that I was coming to visit him. He walked towards me and gave me a huge hug. He whispered, "I'm sorry" and I replied "It's ok. You are ok". My take on his condition that day, he was just off. He was not himself. A part of him was being replaced by someone or some "thing" that I don't recognized. I sensed bits and pieces of him but his demeanor was just off.

The next day (Sunday), my flight out to KL was scheduled late in the evening. So I planned just to hang out with him. I told his family that they can take some time off and not worry about him that day. He seemed different on Sunday. He was himself. 95% himself. We talked about everything. We made plans. He was hopeful and positive which made me hopeful and positive as well.

2 days after I came back from KK, i flew to Osaka for a week. Upon my return form Osaka, I start researching his condition. From my reading, I think he went through psychosis due to marijuana consumption and developed bipolar disorder due to that. At that time, he was still in the hospital. I called to speak to him and felt that his spirit was dwindling. Its harder to speak to him as he slept more. When I get to speak to him, he sounded irritated. I pleaded to the family to get him out of the hospital as soon as possible. I can sensed that he is no longer doing well.

There was a long weekend holiday in February due to Chinese New Year. I decided to flew to KK just to check on him. If he was still not discharge, I just want to hangout with him and keep him company. I was down with fever and flu at that time. It was a prolonged condition had it since December. Probably due to the back to back flights during that period. A day before I was supposed to fly to KK, I got the news that he had been discharged. I texted him and told him that I will be in KK just recovering from my flu. We can get together whenever he feel like he is up to it. He just replied that he just want to stay home. I am fine with it.

I was in KK for 3 nights if I'm not mistaken. I spent a lot of time just walking around KK playing tourist. I also managed to go to the islands near KK. But since I was feverish, I couldn't really enjoy the water. The last night i was there, I texted his sister and told her that I want to drop by the next day. She was shocked to know that I was in KK but she was kind enough to invite me to her house.

I met him at his sister's place. He was depressed. His short term memory was bad. He hardly remember that I came to visit him a few weeks back but he still remember a lot of things from our past. He was suicidal and seeing him like that made me so sad. All I can do is to pray to God for his recovery. He sent me to the airport. We said our goodbyes and I felt that I said goodbye to a stranger. He is no longer the person I once knew.

We still keep in touch. He would sometime called me out of the blue. I think he is feeling much better now. He is no longer on medication but he still refuse to leave the house. His family took him to Thailand but he doesn't look like he enjoyed himself. I texted his sister once in awhile just to check on him. He is well and that is all that matters.

The whole experience ignites my interest in psychology. I was first introduced to this subject when I was in high school. I did consider getting my bachelor degree in psychology but my family (aka. my uncle Podin), was (and still is) against the idea. Researching on the conditions suffered by both my friends made me realized that I really like reading materials on psychology decided to take up a master course in medical psychology with a local university. From my research also I found out that Malaysia do not have enough psychiatrist and mental illness is no. 2 silent  killer after heart condition among Malaysians. I received the invitation to go for interview last week and decided to turn it down since my current personal affairs is too hectic at the moment. I might try to apply again next year, insyaAllah. If I could help people get better, I want to do that. I want to be useful to the people in need. May Allah ease and protect us all.

Gratitude List No.1 for 2019

Its been awhile since I wrote down the things I am grateful for these days. I do a lot of oral gratitude these days. Alhamdulillah, I have been taking care of my mandatory prayers and through those, I verbalize my gratitude.

First of all, I am grateful for this health and life and opportunity that God has given me. The gift of  having a healthy life in this beautiful world is something that no one should ever forget. This amazing life I have is all thanks to Allah. He gave me happiness by sending me so many beautiful souls, friendly faces, miracles after miracles that I witness just by looking at all His creations. SubhanAllah.. I hope and pray that Allah grants me the ability to discover more beauty and only to see the beautiful side of everything.

I am so happy and grateful for the job that I have. My company pays me handsomely. Treat me fairly and always take care of my welfare. Other than that, I am so blessed to have amazing colleagues who always cheer me up and assist me in anyway they can. I am happy for the opportunity to be apart of huge projects that is being undertaken by the Company.

I am so happy and grateful for the love of my life that God has just sent to me. He is so considerate, so loving and thoughtful. He cares for me and the amount of love he has for me, MasyaAllah... I hope and pray that he will take me to Jannah and this love we have for each other last all through out our life.

I am grateful for the fact that Allah is always so merciful to all of us. Keep on asking for His forgiveness, keep on doing all the things to please Him, keep the faith and never lose hope in Allah, insyaAllah, He will guide you..

Happy weekend everyone.

Thoughts

InsyaAllah, I will be entering into a new chapter of my life this coming December. The opening of this new chapter also opens several new ventures that I need to consider. When I say "I" its actually "we" since it will be "our" chapter.

I am feeling slightly overwhelm with the whole thing hence this post. I need to sort out my thoughts so that I do not implode.

Current situation:

Eddy works in Putrajaya. Has kids in Putrajaya and a fully functional (crazy parking space situation) public servant's residence. It takes him almost an hour (46mins to be exact) for him to go to Putrajaya from Damansara (vice versa). He doesn't have a reliable car.

Meanwhile, I am working near my house here in Damansara. But my house is a studio unit which is not suitable to house 2 adults with 2 kids. I have a car, which is old, break down once in awhile but still roadworthy. 

Conundrum:

After we get married, we are "supposed" to live together under the same roof. Since I live near my workplace, it will be easy for me to walk to and fro so it would make sense if Eddy moved in with me. But, since my house is a studio unit, it would not be reasonable for us to keep living in that unit. Where will the kids sleep when they come over? Plus, Eddy has to commute to Putrajaya using my old car. I am not sure how long can the car "tahan" with that sort of mileage every single day.

Initial plan (which is actually "my plan" which will be subjected to many opinions from my mom and concurrence by Eddy)

It would only make sense if I get a house with at least 2 bedrooms in the same building I am currently staying. With regards to the car, it would only be prudent if we change it to a newer more reliable car.

Both plans require new financial obligations which we may not be willing to take on at this moment. The wedding itself requires money (like a lot). It has been paid for (by my parents), but there are a few other small things to compliment the event itself which will come up to almost 10K from my own pocket. I have promised my mom, to transfer to her a fixed sum of money to pay for the wedding. I am not in deficit (yet) but seeing the bills to slowly pile up and my money flowing out of my bank account like tap water is not fun ok.

Let see how this weekend goes.

For the Sake of Allah

I am in a relationship. A normal one but the pace it is currently going, made it seems rather abnormal. I met him approximately 1 month ago on social media. We started chatting and getting to know each other until he decided to show up at my parent's place on Raya. Its a long story but yes. The first time we met was in front of my whole family.

The thing that attracts me the most about him is that, he is very clear with his purpose when it comes to me. He has laid down his plans and his plans feels like pieces that just fall into all the right places in my life. He fits almost so perfectly with my ideals.

Truth be told, I was at the point of surrendering my fate to whatever that Allah has planned for me. I gave up searching for the one. I gave up my needs to marry anyone. I was on that social media dating app just to waste whatever time I have and to make me feel less lonely.

I remember my du'a last Ramadhan whereby I asked God to give me strength to accept whatever that He has planned for me. I asked God to make me a person who will be accepted to Jannah. If I didn't meet my jodoh in this world and there is no one to take me to Jannah, I asked Allah to grant our beloved prophet SAW to receive me into Jannah. That is all I asked for. Jannah.

When I met Eddy, I told him that I want him to be pleased with me. I want to make him happy coz I know, if he is happy, if he redha with my presence, I get to enter Jannah from any door that I pleased. Now that is my mission, to please Allah and my future husband so that I get to enter Jannah.

Our preparation for our big day is under way. Everything is progressing as planned, alhamdulillah. We keep on praying for Allah to ease everything and be pleased with us.

Aamiin

Ramadhan 2019

Alhamdulillah. Allah masih memberi kesempatan untuk kita bertemu dengan bulan mulia, bulan Ramadhan. Hari ini hari ke-3 umat Islam berpuasa namun aku masih belum diberi kesempatan untuk berpuasa. InsyaAllah, aku mohon agar esok dapatlah aku berpuasa, beribadat, mengejar pahala yg berganda di bulan istimewa ini.

Alhamdulillah. Walaupun aku belum dapat berpuasa, Allah telah merencanakan untuk aku dan adikku untuk berbuka bersama. Sekarang kami meluangkan banyak waktu bersama atas sebab-sebab tertentu. I am thankful for that.

Azam Ramadhan 2019:

Taraweh di Masjid Wilayah & TTDI
Membaca Quran setiap solat fardhu
Perbanyak solat sunat & zikir
Elak pembaziran
Perbanyak doa

Semoga Allah menerima amalan kita dan mempermudahkan setiap urusan. Aameen.

First Post For 2019

Wow! This is super bad. Its already April and this is the first post?

To be honest, I have a lot to write. Its just that, once I start to write something, I will end up not finishing them and do something else. I just pray that I will finish this one and post it today, insyaAllah.

So bad kan? My posts are not even a well research article but I am having such a hard time finishing things up these days. I have a draft on my last January Osaka trip. I started to write it months ago, yet I have not finish it. I have so much materials, so much to share but... *sigh

This is a bad habit and I know I have to stop doing it. I need to focus on one thing at a time so that thing I am focusing on gets done beautifully.

Anyhow, a lot happened this year. I traveled a lot, did a lot of thinking, tried new things, meet new people, felt a lot of mixed emotions bit most importantly I am grateful for it all.

I expect 2019 to be a chill yet thrilling year for me. I pray that God grants me ease in whatever tasks I undertake. Aameen.

How to Build A Wall Around Your Heart

I am a person who gave my heart away so easily. I care and love for someone so easily and they often take me for granted.

I am feeling slightly depress now. Probably because I have been neglecting my obligations towards my faith. I am feeling uninspired. I just need to get shit done but what if I am not interested in doing shit?

I met a guy, who is slightly younger but way more accomplished than I am. I am not envious, just impress that I have this someone in my circle. Its an eye opener. I am adjusting to this. I feel awkward. I don't know if I hang out with him because I am interested in him or simply because I am lonely. I also do not know why he is hanging out with me. We have a few things in common. Since I am slightly older, I feel somewhat insecure. I have to be more confident coz confident is sexy and attractive. Need to work on my self. I have time. I need to properly use those time on me.

He is using his time to read and write. I write too.. But it is just for me. Am i selfish? If working on me makes me happy then why not right?

Have you ever met someone who you just clicked immediately. No awkward pause or anything. That is all my meetings with new people. Everybody just clicked into my life. But how do these people transition into a special someone?

Distraction

I need a distraction. I am currently just preparing for 2 trips. Bandung in December and Osaka i January. In between of those 2 trips, i am distracting my self with work. Just received words that I need to attend a meeting in Singapore this Thursday. I dislike business trips. It just suck the fun out of travelling. I need to keep an open mind ... Just take it as part and parcel of life. Just chill and enjoy the ride.

I want to plan for a short domestic getaway. I missed the sea and the white sandy beach. But its rainy season here in malaysia. I have to put that idea on hold and furthermore, I should save enough money for the upcoming 2 trips.

I am not sure how much pocket money i need to bring. I am planning to do a bit of shopping in Jakarta and just a light shopping in Osaka. I am looking forward to buy some winter apparels in Bandung and perhaps 1 or 2 G shock in Japan.

Dreading this business trip. Today, there was a plane crash involving Lion Air. An Indonesian low cost carrier. Its a devastating news

Crushing Hard

I have a huge crush on my dentist. For the past month, I have been visiting my dentist for a root canal treatment (RCT). The whole process was loong and excruciating but it was bearable since i like the dentist.

My dentist is actually a childhood acquaintance. I've known him since i was small. We were in the taekwando class together. He opened up his own practice a few years ago. The whole RCT has not been easy on me. The first session took almost 4 hours to complete and it caused me to bleed that i had to visit him again after a few days. The second one was fast and uneventful but the 3rd one was complicated. the session was completed in 2 sittings.

I have always been a bit choosy on my dentist. So now that I have met him, I wouldn't mind visiting the dentist every other month just to see his face.

MRT 2 drama

I may be bias since I am somewhat part of the company that is currently constructing the MRT2 (MG) but since everybody is putting their opinion out there, here is mine. 

To those who manage to sift through all the political agenda and see the real fact of the matter after reading and watching everything published on social media, I say kudos to you sir. Those who has yet to make up their mind, I say take your time coz the amount of info out there is overwhelming. There are numbers percentage calculations involved, engineering terms being thrown around (TBM VD TBM etc), the various different entities , different key figures giving contradicting statements and many more confusing things. Its a real life soap opera and I, like most of you guys, am a bystander (at least I think and hope that I am just that). I probably am standing slightly a little closer than any of you due to  my current position. I digress.

Nonetheless, to those who made up their mind and goes on agreeing with the cabinet decision to re-tender the 60% uncompleted underground portion of the project, i say, please use your brain logical thinking skill (provided you are blessed with such skill).

I am not going to discuss details, but merely appeal to your logical thinking. When the news broke on Sunday, my mind goes, MG is unable to arrive at a lower figure? So MG would rather let 20K employees lose job then just maybe cutting 2K position or apply some cost saving measure somewhere? MG dare to risk losing a huge project just because don't want to let go of a few billions? Why is MG being so hostile towards the gov now? Most of their big projects come from the government. Why are we picking fights with the ultimate employer? We are not interested to do anymore gov project ke?

This is the gov that G chose. The company gave extra leave for employees who need to balik kampung to vote. G's MD is the first to release an e-mail asking the employees who balik kampung to vote need not rush back for fear of civil unrest. This is the company that loss so much after selling their water asset to the Selangor gov. So when LGE issued the cabinet decision, my mind is just boggled with questions trying to find logical answers.

On Monday, the management rushed to prepare a response to LGE's statement whilst the employees went all out to social media sharing their feelings. Since I am just a kici mayung machai in the company, all i did was observe the bosses rushing into meetings after meetings. The employees (tunnelers) organize themselves as i think, they are all in survival mode. Their livelihood is being threatened. If your livelihood is being threatened, do you just sit there and accept or do you get up and do something to change it? 

Many brilliant minds out there commented, once the project is re tendered, works starts again, then they all will get their job back. How I wish that it is that simple. How I wish that digging underground tunnels is as easy as digging a hole by the beach. It can all be washed away by a crashing wave and other can easily starts digging a whole new hole at anytime. Again, I digress.

The point that most people missed is that MG did gives their proposal for cost reduction. Parties was still negotiating when LGE issued their statement on Sunday. MG suggested that an international consulting firm is appointed to really determine the real cost of the uncompleted portion and parties will just follow the consultant's proposal. To that, the gov gave no reply but issue a statement saying the underground contract is hereby cancelled. 

Let's do a simple logical thinking exercise. Assuming a new company get the underground job, they will start hiring, does the current tunnelers need to re-apply? Can the new company gives a guarantee that all these people will be employed by the new company? How long this hiring process going to take? In the meantime, what do you suggest these tunnelers do?

I can go on and discuss the issue on engineering design etc but those points may be too complex even for me to explain. I leave that to the engineering people to decipher. 

A few days after LGE issued the statement, Tun issued another statement saying that the gov will review its decision. Then a few days after, Azmin is saying a committee is going to be set up to review the whole contract. If its just a review and not an outright cancellation and re-tender as per what LGE said, whats the point of his statement on Sunday?! Cakap kosong? Just to crash the stock market? Making investors jittery? Driving the economy to the ground? Making the value of Rinngit even weaker? Showing G who is the boss, as if they don't know it already? 

LGE has to remember that he is the Finance Minister (for crying out loud). What you say have effect! Does he realised that? I am just wondering right.  Who in the world benefited/profited from his statement on Sunday?

Unless someone could gives believable explanation as to why LGE issue the statement on Sunday, the whole drama is not making any logic sense.

Long Weekend Getaway Ideas for Malaysians (Last Minute Planners)

My friends and I are planning for a getaway due to a substantially long weekend coming up in a little more than a week time. Since it is super last minute, most hotels and resorts in Malaysia's major tourist attraction (eg. Melaka and Penang are fully booked. We were considering an island vacation. For some reason, all 4 of us are a huge beach bum. Our initial choice was to go to Pulau Kapas. But all the chalets there were fully booked. Then we considered Tioman. There were a few rooms available in Juara Beach but the guys were not to thrill with the location of the beach.

I came up with the plan to go hangout in Perak, my home state. There are many tourist  attractions, amazing local delicacies and a free accommodation (due to the fact that my parents are still in Mecca performing Hajj) It was the safest and cheapest idea. I was thinking of a road trip of discovering waterfalls and of course food hunting. There are so much to do in Perak. Taiping lake garden is very beautiful, Ipoh cafe scene is one of the best in Malaysia and there are other attractions to explore.

Another friend was insisting to go to an island. All the major islands in Malaysian are fully booked so we have no choice but to look at those islands in Thailand. We agreed on Koh Lipe since the pier is near and the accommodations are cheap.

Crossing the border was a huge hassle. It needs a post of its own. The island is beautiful, the underwater scene is so-so. I think Malaysia's is much nicer. The food is good but most of all, the group that I went with is just awesome. I had so much fun and I am so glad i made new friends.

Netflix and Coffee

Its finally Friday. It has been such a long and draggy week. Quiet and uneventful. Uneventful week makes me even more tired than usual.

Been binge-ing on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. Its a unique talk show hosts by a comedian, Jerry Seinfeld. To be honest, I am not really familiar with his work. The only thing that attracted to me to even start watching the series is the word "coffee" in the title. Jerry took his comedian friends to various type of cafes, delis and restaurant around US and I find their cafes very very inviting. Especially those quaint cafes in small towns. And that Jerry Seinfeld really love his coffee. I don't feel like having coffee whenever I watch the show. It feels like I am already drinking the coffee just by watching him drink gallons of his coffee *i guess i am weird that way

I find comedians to be a very interesting bunch of humans. Although their work requires them to stand up in front of a huge crowd, most of these comedians prefer to be left alone and are socially awkward person. I find my self to be funny as well and sometime I can be a freaking weirdo around people but I like to think that I am friendly and approachable.

Anyhow, its the weekend. I have no plans but to spend time with my cat, drink coffee all day and perhaps do a bit of reading. That reminds me. I need to get something good to read when we are travelling to Hanoi next weekend. I am looking forward to drinking lots of Vietnamese coffee.

Products Review - Simple, Neutrogena, Nanowhite, Dr. Morita and Laneige

I have just starting to wear make up again. Its fun to put colors on my face and experiment with new products etc. The downside is that make up could cake up your pores and acne may appear here and there. This exactly what happen to me.

Make up could make my face look so nice and smooth but when I wash off my make up, my skin looks so tired and dehydrated. I just started adding face scrubs to my weekly facial routine. A routine that I have been avoiding before coz I was not using much make up and my face is on the dry side. 

I think scrubs facial wash helps to exfoliate dead skin and unclogged your pores. When you stacked so much products on your skin, even if you have remove them with make up remover and use a foam wash after, there may still be some residue. So I started using facial scrubs to exfoliate all those make up residues and dead skin. My current product is from Simple. Its cheap and readily available at any drugstore. 

image from google

After scrubbing my face gently (pls be gentle coz the tiny grits in the scrubs will do all the hard work for you), I use a tiny amount of deep clean face wash from Neutrogena. This product has been my best companion for more than 10 years. But this year, this product needs a partner to be more effective (I am not ready to retire the product yet)

So Neutrogena has come up with a couple of variance to the above product which I have yet to try. When 1 thing works for me, I am not gonna replace it ever! That's just who I am I guess. After rinsing and drying my face, I would proceed to apply toner. For toner I just use whatever that is available and cheap. Currently I am using a product from Nano White. It is suppose to refine your skin but I don't think it is working. To me, by toning you are just ensuring that there are no soap residue left on your skin before you apply other skincare products.

image from google

After toning, if my skin is having some acne on it or just scabs of acne, I would apply snail bee essence. It helps to cure the unhealthy spot. I got it from Hermo in April. 60ml sure last a long time.

image from google

The last step is to moisturize. For this I currently have 2 options. My current favourite is from Dr. Morita. I think its hydrating, moisturizing and brightening my skins just after 1 use. I bought is from Guardian. I got it first from Hermo but I sure glad Guardian carry that brand now and the price is very affordable considering how huge the tub is.

image from google

 My second pick is from a "high end" brand considering the price range. Whenever I use this product as a sleeping mask, I would wake up to a very dewy moist face. I prefer Dr. Morita's brightening effect plus Laneige is a bit pricey but you could get a good deal from Hermo.

image from google

This is a long post. But yeah, maybe one day I could look back to this article and see if anything have changed since.