As we are approaching the end of 2015, I could not help but to reflect on all the things that happened this year.
The year started slowly but surely I made improvements in multiple areas in my life. Career wise I could feel my faith became stronger and I was happier. I was at the peak of my faith in July. I was at my happiest and most content.
However, things started to shake in August onward and I could feel I was spiraling down a wormhole. Its a slow spiral downwards and I could feel that I am still spiraling. I am fighting the spiral coz I know what waits for me at the bottom but somehow.. just somehow I feel that i do not have enough strength to fight.
I was happy at my comfort zone for 3 months then I felt the need to shake things up. Taking risk, doing things I'm not suppose to just for the sake that I am tired and bored staying stagnant.I fear that the risk I took is not worth it. It has no value. Its useless.
I could justify all my actions may it be right or wrong but I could not accept he fact that I keep doing things I'm not supposed to when I am very much aware of the consequences.
Did I stop to care of the consequences? No
Why do I keep doing it? Do I do it to feel accepted? Wanted? Desired? Yes
I am being accepted and wanted but by those who are undesirable. I fear that I'm selling my self short. I fear that my personality made me an easy target to be taken advantage at.
I feel the need to focus on my desire. So my 2016 would be to focus on things that made me happy and content.
I really really need to spend some time thinking about this.
Last year was about faith. This year I want to focus on something else but at the same time maintain my faith at a certain level.
What is that something else? What makes me happy and fearless?
1. Financial Freedom - have a sturdy saving account.i.e to have at least a surplus of RM5000 before end of 2016 (RM420 per month)
2. Travel to at least 2 international destination in 2016 - Indonesia - to visit Reni and perhaps Vietnam for the coffee scene. Krabi/Koh Samui - islands hop
3. Fall madly in love with my life. Beautiful, healthy and happy.
Is it wrong to have high expectation? Expecting someone else to be fair to you. Expecting others to treat you as you treat them. I learned...
Lately, I have been having all these ideas about starting a small business in the office. Perhaps, I could add some pocket money to go to Me...
Almost every girl wants to be asked that question. Why? Sometimes you just want to feel that you are cherished and needed by someone as much...