Sunday, February 12, 2012

It Takes Two To Have an Arguement

Aku pernah mention kot benda ni dulu, aku adalah peguam yang memang tak suka arguement. Its weird but it's true. Most of the time, argument transpire when both people are talking and no one is listening. Dari satu isu simple, dia bertukar jadi perdebatan yang nak menunjukkan yang sorang tu lagi betul dari yang sorang lagi.
from Google Image

Bila dua-dua dah bercakap/menjerit and takde sape yang dengar, we have a communication breakdown. That is why aku tak suka argument. Tak kisah la kat ofis ke kat umah ke kat court ke. Memang tak dapat apa-apa dari arguing. Aku lagi suka calm discussion. Kupas isu satu persatu. Bila sorang bercakap, sorang lagi kena dengar. 

Semalam masa melepak kat Borders, aku baca satu buku ni. Dia cerita cara-cara untuk mengelakkan argument. Dia punya menthod agak unik and bagi pasangan bercinta atau dah berkahwin, boleh la cuba. Disebabkan aku tak beli buku ni, aku akan shara methods yg aku ingat je la k. Mungkin ada pengubahsuaian sket-sket utk menepati citarasa. hahahah

1. Walk your steam off (aku rasa dlm buku tu pun ada citer pasal benda ni, tp tak berapa pasti)


Ok. Cara ni memang sgt obvious. Bila kita tengah panas, semua yang kita ckp sgt tak masuk akal. Benda simple bleh jadi complicate and in the end we end up hurting the other person even more. Benda yang plg logik untuk korang buat masa tengah panas and rasa nak meletup is, to walk it off. Take a walk around the block or around the house etc. Seeloknya jgn la memandu coz your mind is distracted. Nanti eksiden plak. AKu mmg pernah buat la. After a few minutes (or hours) of walking, korang akan feel better. You will think better. Trust me.

2. Spoon me (ni mmg straight from the book)
from Google
Gambar kat atas is basically how you spoon someone. In a couple, yg size besar akan spoon (hug from behind) yg lg kecik. How does this work. Bila korang in the midst of having an argument, your partner on the receiving end have to realize yg korang dah nak meletup. Sebelum korang dua-dua meletup, salah seorang kena pause and tell the other one "Spoon Me". 

So you get in the position. Whilst in the position, try to listen to your other partner's breathing. Breath slowly and calmly. Try breathing together. After a few minutes of spooning and breathing, you will feel calmer. Isu yang korang bahaskan td akan jadi small or it doesn't even matter anymore.

3. What Else method

Method ni agak simple tp aku rasa agak berkesan. Objektif dia adalah meluahkan perasaan tanpa putting any blame on the other person. How does this work?

Bila one of the partnertu nga marah, dia dah nak start mengamuk but instead of terus membebel tak tentu pasal, dia akan mintak the other partner utk buat the "What Else" activity. Bila partner mintak nak buat What Else, you know la dia tengah panas ati kat korang. So, korang kena ikutkan je. Partner yang meminta tu berpeluang untuk meluahkan perasaan dia, dan korang hanya boleh dengar and ckp "What Else".  Korang dengar je sampai la dia cakap "I'm done".

Bila dia da ckp I'm done. Korang take some time off to really digest apa yg partner korang dah luahkan kat korang td. Then, buat la apa yg korang rasa patut like, apologize :)

Cukup setakat ni je kot untuk arini. Rasa macam nak keluar jalan2 la. Hurm...

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