Monday, June 15, 2015

Getting to Know Me (Part 1)

This concept is not foreign to me but during BeingME2015, that was the first time this concept was explained bu a Muslim scholar to me.

A Hadith of Rasul (SAW says that, "Whosoever knows himself knows his Lord"

Truth be told, the hadeeth hit me hard when I first heard it at Being Me. Its like being slap in the face. I hardly understands my self sometimes. Based on the hadeeth, it means that I am not as close to Allah as I wanted to be.

So, one of my resolution for this coming Ramadhan is to get to know me better and ultimately gained closeness to Allah.

So, getting to know me. The "current me" is not as complicated as the "former me". I would like to be known and seen as a simple person. I do not wear fancy labels (never have been). I still hates shopping for clothes, shoes and handbags and make up. My idea of make up is limited to moisturizer and compact powder. That's it. My mom (Oh Allah, bless her beautiful soul) still buy me clothes and purses whenever she went shopping coz she knows me fully well that I hardly buys anything on my own. I am grateful to have her as my mom.

Nowadays, my interest is limited to playing COC, reading FB postings related to good deeds and hadeeth as well as attending Islamic conferences and classes. I am not pious, yet. I covered my aurah but I could cover  my aurah more.. That's how I feel. I try to read the Quran everyday. I try to memorize my favourite verses like 2 last ayah in Surah al Baqarah and 3 last ayah in Surah al Hasyr. Currently I'm working on Surah Yaseen and Al-Kahf (May Allah grant us ease and May He accept it from us)

I think I am an Islamic Conference junky...Not a very nice term, I know but that's how I feel. I could not not buy all the tickets to the Islamic Conference that are being held in Malaysia. May Allah help me in striking a balance. I rather spent on the tickets then save for my marriage ceremony.. Oh Allah, grant us ease... I know that I need to strike a balance. I have exceed my resolution of attending 5 conference this year. So, I will only attend a few more if I receive unexpected wealth... Ameen...

I found so much joy when I get to share a bit of what I've learned with close family and friends. I get so high whenever I attend an Islamic Conference. My heart is touched and I would sometime cry whenever the name of the prophet and his sahabat is being mentioned. This is because I would recall Mufti Menk's speech on the companion of Rasulluallah last Ramadhan and the sacrifices they  made so that the deen came to us. So that we could enjoy what we have today... May Allah be pleased with all of them.

Nowadays I cry out of joy out of gratefulness. I have been blessed with so much love from Allah SWT. I feel so much love surrounding me each and everyday. Overwhelm with all the love, I offer voluntary prayers to thank Allah. Out of happiness, I would cry... Most of the time, I would feel that level of joy when I pray solat at the mosque. Beautiful Masjid Putra. I fell in love with that mosque. I find ease, love and comfort within that mosque. Coz I know, not many is invited to be in the house of Allah. I am grateful to have my heart so close to Masjid Putra.

I would have to stop here. I pray that I am protected from ujub and riak. This post is just my way of getting to know my ownself. My mind could be so scattered sometime and only by typing my thoughts down, I get to focus.Re-reading my own posts help to remind me of the things I felt.

My mind is still scattered. A friend needs me tonight. She said that her heart is unsettled. I asked her to meet me at Masjid Putra. I need to be mentally prepared to face her tonight. She sounded so stressed in her text messages. May Allah grant us ease. May Allah guide us onto the straight path.


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