Gratitude List No. 19

I am so grateful to be receiving some good news yesterday. The company has rewarded us handsomely for our service and I am planning to use it for several amazing plans in 2018.

First off is to settle some debts. Then to set aside some money for rainy days. After that I need to prepare for umrah and also some repair work for my car. Also set aside some money for hajj.

Lastly, spend some money on my self and my family.

Gratitude List No. 18

Had a nice weekend with my other half. I had been planning to meet him and the Universe just give me exactly what I want. I am so grateful for that. Planning to spend each minute together with laughter and happiness and lots of love.

Meal plans for the week simply because i need to take stock of my pantry

Monday - dinner : chicken breast, mashed and vegies
Tuesday - Breakfast: sandwich Lunch: Salad Dinner: rice and rendang omelet
Wednesday - Breakfast: eggs Lunch: salad Dinner drummets and salads Movie Night
Thursday - Breakfast: sandwich Lunch: sandwich  Dinner pasta
Friday - breakfast: eggs Lunch: Salad Dinner chicken
Saturday - brunch: english Dinner: pizza
Sunday: Johor

Gratitude List No. 17

I am very happy and very thankful today. Its Friday. My nemesis aka the one that still holds my heart is coming to town. Its been 2 months since i last saw him. Not a very long time when you put it in words. But to experience his absence, its a painful experience. I hope I am strong enough to let him go again when he needs to return to his hometown next month.

Although he is very much a pain in the ass, I love having someone who is fun to be around. The thing about him is this, he does not act his age. He treats me as his equal sometimes in a very disrespectful way. He knows the real me. He knows everything about me. He endures me. We endured each other.

I am planning so many things to do together

1. Train together
2. Eat pizza together - been craving pizza for the longest time
3. Go out for brunch together
4. Watch Justice League
5. Argue with each other
6. Talk about deep issues together
7. Inspire each other

Gratitude List No.16

1. My muesli breakfast. A tad too sweet. Maxed my sugar quota for the day. Would probably hit the gym later tonight.

2. Tinder. This is how i kill time these days. Apart from Netflix and gym, Tinder let me meet new people online. I never really consider my self as a social person but I need to fill up my time and meeting new people seems like a good idea. For now...

3. Coffee. My love for coffee is everlasting I guess. I feel so happy when I get to drink my 1st cup of coffee in the morning.

4. Good friend. I don't have that many friend. I need some time to build trust on a person. Sven has been a great friend. Probably his laid back nature just make it easy for me to share my every thoughts with him.

5. Physical well being. Consistently working out at the gym has been fruitful. I lost at least 5kg. Seeing the changes in my body just made me want to push my self even more.

6. Work. Currently going through a bit of a down time after almost 2 weeks of craziness.

7. Hometown & family. Went back to my hometown last weekend. Spent quality time with the family. Get to relax and recharged a bit. Took Monday off just to trim my hair and spent some time with my own thoughts.

8. Home. Finding it hard to keep the place truly neat and tidy recently. I just need to buck up and get it done. Having a place to sleep and rest its a blessing. Just need to make it even more comfortable for me.

9. Future. Thinking of a 5 years plan. I really have no idea. I am just glad that I manage to finish 1 year with this company. Career wise, this place is a good place to build my portfolio and confidence in a corporate world. Its just sometimes the stress really could get to you. I have to remember that it is hard to even get a place in a company such as my current company. I really really need to make good use of my opportunity here. At the same time, also focusing on what I want to do next.

10. Weekend. Looking forward to the weekend. I just want to rest. Clean up the place and spend time writing. Probably go to the gym to burn more and more!!!

11. Life. My life as a whole is a blessing. I am glad I found the time to write my thoughts down. I am grateful for everything I have in my life.

Gratitude List No. 15

Rainy Tuesday morning. I was on leave yesterday. Just taking some "me time". Managed to cut my hair, went to the gym, do a bit of reading and meet a new friend. So, yesterday was pretty hectic yet very fulfilling.

Looking forward to weekends since I spent last weekend with the family. It was fine but a bit tiring since I had to drive. Planning for umrah in January but dad was not keen so does Anna. I am quiet resolved but this would very much depends on my family and my company.

My car has been paid off. So that's a relief. Finishing off one more loan next month. So December gonna so awesome.

I hope to finish off this week calmly, gladly and positively. 

Gratitude List No.14 - Dreams Do Come True

Read an article today about Tony Fernandez, the Founder of Air Asia. He was in the music industry when he decided to buy Air Asia and turn it into the best low cost airlines in Asia. He also dream of it and work hard for it.

I have to spend more time dreaming. Focusing on what I want in my life. Giving energized thoughts to only those that matters to my life right now.

I want to be in love again. To be loved by someone who love me as much as I love him. To be able to share stories, laughter, ideas, ambitions and time. Spending time with those who love you is the best feeling in the world. You don't have to do much, just to be with each other, that is enough to make your heart flutter and smile in bliss. I am not asking for much. Just someone who appreciate me and care for me as much as I appreciate them.

I want to travel again. Tickets to Amsterdam and London has been pretty affordable through out the year. With RM3,000 you get a return ticket. I am planning to fill my 2018 with a few trips. Amsterdam and London is high on my list.

I want to have a toned and fit body. Consistently working out have proven fruitful. I have shed some serious weight and all I need to do is keep it up for another month so that it is in my routine. Still aiming for six pack. The journey has been awesome. Looking at my body each and everyday and seeing how it has changed is just awesome.

Sweet Dream

Been having sweet dreams and it seems that this dream repeat it self every week. I am crushing so hard on the actor of Chicago Fire, Jesse Spencer. That eyes. That face. What does this type of dreams even mean?

Its not like i was watching the series before I fell asleep. So to be thinking of him even when I did not watch the series is just weird. But anyhow, I really enjoyed the nice warm feelings even though it was just a temporary feelings.

Gratitude List No. 13 - Stronger

I am learning to take better care of my self. Putting my need first. Making my self happier. Learning to say no.

Over the weekend, my other half asked for a small loan. It is truly a small loan. But I feel like in order to help him, I need to teach him to stand on his own feet. Quit asking for favours, begging for loans. It is so unbecoming. I really loves helping out but I just don't want this to become a habit as this really is a bad habit.

Let's move on to a brighter topic. I had a nice weekend. A balance one. Spent time with my nephews. Took them to see Thor Ragnarok. Its an awesome movie. We all had a good time. After half a day with them, I get to rest. Did a bit of grocery shopping and chatting with a friend till midnight. Went home to do a Harry Potter marathon, woke up late on Sunday. Do a bit of housekeeping and preparing for weekdays. Basically, lots of rest.

Today is Monday. As usual, it always starts with a bang. I am pretty immune to it already. So, now looking forward to weekend again. Probably gonna go back to visit my parents. Take them to a nice dinner perhaps.

Gratitude List No. 12 - Resilience

Yesterday was pretty hard. Luckily I had a relaxing weekend. I went home yesterday and completely reset my mind. To me, today is a new day and I decided last night that I am going to have a good day today. 

I just realised that my mind and body is so used to a 7 hours sleep every night. I will automatically wake up after 7 hours of sleep no matter what day it is. For the past week, I woke up without my alarm. I am glad that I feel so restful at night and energize in the morning.

I get to prepare lunch. Yesterday was chicken salad and today was tuna pasta. I still have left over for tonite. 

Pay day is just around the corner. Looking forward to that as well. Maybe another relaxing weekend? I did not do much last weekend. Went out for breakfast on Saturday. Just loitering at the mall since the sun was so hot. Did a bit of reading and writing. Spending time with  my self and people watching. Probably going to do the same this weekend. 

Need to attend to my budget. Car insurance renewal and road tax is expiring. That is not fun but I am grateful that I can manage my own expenses.

Gratitude List No.11 - Living in The Now

Had an awesome day off yesterday. I just realized that when you really make use of your time, you feel like you have so much time when in actual fact its just the usual 24 hours.

I get to do laundry, wake up a bit later than usual, had brunch, went to a cafe for coffee and read and then hit the gym for 1 hour to just sweat. When I got back from gym, i get to prepare my own meal and just chill in front of the tv. A get to retire to bed earlier than normal, get my 8 hour sleep with the help of sleep hypnosis and woke up feeling recharge!

So today is Thursday. Work is flowing as per normal. Had an awesome lunch with colleague, had a friendly banter with my other half and just finish planning for a night out watching movie with one of my colleague.

The topic living in the now is a popular self help topic. I don't really understand it until I had this conversation a moment ago with my colleague. I told her about how my day went yesterday and I feel so satisfied. She is the type of person who worries a lot and spend her Saturday night worrying that weekend is ending and Monday is coming.  I told her that if you want to feel that you have so much time on your hand, go do stuff. She has a different opinion on that regards. According to her, if she spend her day doing things, the day will just flew by and she doesn't get to savour the moment. She would just rather sit and look at the clock knowing that she has all day of not working so that she can fully prepare herself for the work that is coming the next day.

I disagree with how she does things and we agree to disagree because she prefers it that way. I would think that she wasted her time worrying about the next day. She should have just enjoyed the off day by doing all the things she loves doing. That is how you really utilized the time given to you.

I am blessed that I have this knowledge. Wish I could persuade her to agree with me. Slowly...

Gratitude List No. 10 - Public Holiday in Malaysia

Malaysians are just blessed. Due to our diversity and respect to every race and religions in this country, we are rewarded with various public holidays. Tomorrow is Deepavali. A festival of light celebrate by our Indian community. Tomorrow is Wednesday, hump day some called it. Its a good day to just have a break from work and recharge.

I just made plan with a friend to go out for breakfast. Just need to be around people so that I don't feel as if I am wasting my public holiday doing nothing. Maybe I can do a bit of reading as well. Since gadget is around, all information is within your fingertips. But we don't really learn anything from such information. We just search the info for info purposes not for knowledge. It can be changed. Just read as we used to do before there were mobile phones.

Already going off topic... Anyhow, I am going to enjoy my off day. Its going to be epic. I am going to savour each moment and utilized each moment properly so that I will look forward to finish off the week with energy and happiness.

Gratitude List No. 9 - Productiveness

I am so happy and grateful now that I had a very productive week. I get to go to the gym and workout. I manage to complete my assignments on time. I got to keep my positive attitude through out the week. I managed my stress effectively. I got time to unwind and cook at home. It has been a really really good week and I am so happy and grateful for it.

Now that the weekend is coming, i am looking forward to a lot of relaxation, a lot of reading, a lot of sleep and may be some exercise and social time with some friends. Thank you for this blessing, for this peace i feel in me.

Gratitude List No. 8 - Peace

We have a bit of a breather today. I am so grateful for that. I get to have my coffee and breakfast in peace without any anxiety. Planning to catch a movie with a colleague tomorrow and perhaps hit the gym again today.

I feel so different since I changed my mindset. Always have a positive attitude. Being grateful for everything I have and everything I am going to receive. had a good chat with my other half today. It was nice to see his face. But he looks a bit different. Probably because he was not feeling well. His living situation at his own house does not look good. he can improve it if he wants but knowing him (he is somewhat like me) he would just make do with whatever he has.

I am so happy and grateful for this peaceful feeling I have in my heart. I have this little joy in my heart that I know will grow in time. The world is bright and colourful again.

Gratitude List No. 7 - TGIF

It has been a trying week. Like seriously. I almost burst into tears whilst doing grocery shopping on Monday. I felt overwhelm with the stress and the whole situation about my other half being so far away.

Nevertheless, the week ends on a high note. I get to finish all my pending work and cleared my work checklist on Thursday. So today I get to just relax my mind a little bit. My sister is coming over this weekend so planning to spend some time with her. So, I have the whole night and tomorrow morning by my self. I plan to have a quiet night at home and tomorrow I need to run some errands. I hope to get what I need tomorrow at the hospital.

Lets get start the weekend people and have a good one!

Gratitude List No.6 (Not Really)

Yesterday was my first year anniversary with the company. I am pretty proud. It has been a trying year. Truly but I manage to overcome all the obstacles and persevere.

I still have a long way to go. My initial plan was to gain at least 2 years experience with the company. I am half way there. With each passing day, I know that I grow harder but I am second guessing my self so many times these days. I am seriously thinking of finding a greener pasture. I need to do serious thinking on this subject.

I dont feel like I am wasting my time. Its just that I feel that I am subjecting my self to unnecessary stress every single day. I shouldn't be complaining in this list. I am grateful that I am learning so much (i think i am learning). Until I am able to apply all that I have learn, I don't think I have learn much at all.

What do I look forward to everyday? Being able to go home at the end of each work days, satisfied with the job I did that day. Nowadays, I bring work home with me. I bring worries.

My superior is tolerable. A nice person. Its just that sometimes, I feel really really inferior. I know I can handle this but for what??? If there is another company that is going to offer me much more and less stress and worry, really, there is nothing holding me back except for the fact that working in  a big public listed company sounds so glamorous. Glamour does not make  me happy so, it really is not important right?

I am really grateful for the opportunity to gain experience here. I have been exposed to so many things. I do hope that these experience can be applied else where.

My Life Purpose

I had a fulfilling weekend whereby I spent most of my time watching TedEx talks. They are amazing and I am feeling inspired by the speakers.  Despite what I've just said, I also had a minor melt down yesterday and I am keen to blame my hormones for the meltdown. However, after watching several TedEx talks, I arrive to a conclusion that I basically feel rather loss after my boyfriend decides to went back to KK because I lost my purpose.

It has always been my purpose to help him grow and survive here. Helping him in anywhere I can, contributing whenever I can, gave me purpose. That makes me happy. Since he decided to leave, I felt that I am serving no other purpose in my life. Apart from my family and my work which has always been there.

I clearly remembered how happy I was when he got accepted to the aviation program. The advice I gave and everything I contributed lead him on his career path in aviation. I was part of his journey, his struggles. I didn't know that by being with him on that journey, gave me happiness. I didnt know by helping him, it made me happy and gave me purpose.

Now that I lost that purpose and understand what it does in my life, gave me a different idea. I should widen my purpose. I am only giving to him just 1 person. What if I get to give to more than 1 person? What if I can inspire and guide more than 1 person.

Following from this, I intend to joint the gamuda toastmasters. I am very keen to get more serious in public speaking to see whether this could lead me to another career perhaps as I've been told many times that I have this gift in persuasive speech.

May God guide me and grant me ease.

Gratitude List No. 5 - Learning to Love Me

Yesterday, we had a knowledge sharing session with my boss. We are always amaze with the way she does her work, handle the meeting and basically think. Her mind work like lightning and she could always recall her memory when she needs to.

This has always been what I want before joining this company. I want to learn, grow and push my self out of the comfort zone. Now that I am nearing my 1st year anniversary, I am getting more and more grateful. It is difficult sometimes to juggle the work and manage her expectation, but the experience is so valuable. I would need to think thousand million times before deciding to leave this place. I just need to be better in what I do so that other companies can see how valuable I am.

After work, I manage to spend some time at the gym. 30 mins of brisk walking on the treadmill, 20 mins of spin and a few minutes on weight. Pretty satisfied with myself.

At home, I manege  to go through my budget. I found this cool apps that help you to track your expenses. All you need to be is consistent and follow the budget. Since this is the first month I am using it, I want to see how discipline I am with my money when I am on my own.

Having my other half around keep me grounded. I am reminded that I have a commitment to another human being. I do everything I could to stay afloat together. So, taking care of just me should be easier right? All I need is to have my goals and need met everyday. Its time that I take care of me.

Gratitude List No. 4 - A Loner At Heart

I sent off my friend who has been staying with me for the past 2 nights. With her around I realised that I am better off alone at home. We shared the same interest and all but I prefer my alone time brooding or doing absolutely nothing.

I am thinking of inviting my sisters over to my house so that her children can enjoy the pools and park. I used to be this cool sister who take my siblings and my nephews to cool cafes and places. I should do that again.

My boyfriend's birthday is coming up. Thinking of a gift. A special one. Something that can remind him of me. Most probably a wallet.

Gratitude List No. 3 - My Home My Paradise

Malaysian just had a long weekend last week. 3 days off from work meaning a lot of time on my hand. Had a whole day to my self on Friday. Cleaned the house, did laundry etc. Satisfied with the outcome. So, decided to spend some time with a friend. Had a good talk. Shared experience and stories etc. It was nice.

On Sunday, a friend decided to drop by. She is currently staying at my house as she had errands to run etc. The least I could do for her is to show her around. Went for an hour hike at Bukit Kiara, watched a new tv series together on Netflix and just chat. As we are somewhat the same age, same education background, thus we share same interest. It was refreshing. Yet, I prefer my time alone at home.

I am happy that I have a perfect place to call home. My decision to take up the place which is close to office was the best decision I made last year. No regrets whatsoever. I love my home.

I love the fact that I get to spend my weekend with different type of activities with different type of people. I am so grateful. 

Thinking of what to do and cook today for dinner. I have 3.5 hours to go an email to send and then I will be off.

Home sweet home 

Anxiety

Been feeling anxious since last week. Don't think I have a restful weekend due to this anxiety.

Over the weekend, I spent my time watching motivational videos. One of the video was by Simon Sinek explaining about all the different hormones that are release by our body during different situations. There 4 good positive hormones but there is 1 bad hormones release by the body during stressful situation i,e cortisol. It is not good as it suppress your immune system. That is why, those who work in a high stressed environment are more incline to fall sick.

I need to reset my mind and thinking. Rise above the stressful situation at work or just be braver and don't give a shit. Probably I need to do all the above to overcome my anxiety issue. It is easier to overcome all this if you can focus on something else or someone else.

When my other half was nearby, I get to separate my self between my office and personal life (most of the time). When I have to bring my work home, it will get mashup together but there will always be time that I could just stop working and focus on him. Since he is no longer around, my mind is at work all the time. I tried to set goals, personal goals, daily goals but my mind will always worry about my job. I am just scared that I am not good enough. I am scared that I made mistake. I am scared all the time now when in reality, the experience is not as scary as I think it is.

Worries and being anxious is such a waste of time. I put on this brave face everyday when my inside is just a jumble of mess. I am still not doing what I am suppose to be doing and I blame my self for that.

Gratitude List No. 2 - Meeting My Needs

Yesterday I had a good workout at the gym. I spend 40 mins on cardio and around 10-15mins on weight and resistance training. Today I intend to go to the class for more cardio session.

I manage to cook a nice dinner after I got back. Tuna bolognese. No pasta. Ate it with omelette and some fresh green vegies. Had a nice cup of hot cocoa and watched some Netflix. Before 10am, I am already fast asleep.

I am so grateful that I love my current house. I love having a place and living alone. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. Such a bliss.

I woke up quite early. had a good discussion and now all my work is proceeding smoothly. Its lunch time. I manage to prepare some pasta so that I can eat it with my tuna bolognese.

I need to buy some bread and refuel my car. I will do that today after gym.

It has been a good day.

Gratitude List No. 1 - Socializing?

I am focusing and channeling my mind to focus on the good things that is happening in my life instead of the negative.

Due to my new coffee consumption habit, I have actually shed some weight. I just realised it yesterday when I put on a shirt which was smaller that what I would normally wear. Probably M size. I just need to maintain that habit.

I get to visit my new gym last weekend. I love all the equipment. If I spend enough time there sweating, I could shed serious weight!

I have so much time on my hands right now. I want to spend it working on my self. Improving my self. Physically, spiritually. I need to resume my work on improving my relationship with God. Prepare for Umrah on January. Yeah... I got my work cut out for me.

I am thinking of a social life. I don't have many friends which some will view as odd. I have a colleague who is also single. Should I spend more time with her? She is pleasant and all. Maybe we could plan a short getaway together.

Getaway. That is something I really need. Making plans to go to Tioman. I miss the island. The white sands and the blue ocean.

I Don't Know What I Want

At this very moment, I have no idea what I want. I receive a surprising news early last week and the news threw me off balance for a week now. To date, my mind is still a ball of mess. I can't focus. I don't know how I'm feeling, I don't know what to do. What I know is that, I hate this situation I'm in right now.

I know I have to rise above the mess. I have to find the courage within me. I know all the right thing to do. I know what I am supposed to do but I don't have the will to do it. Somehow right now, I rather moped around, feeling sorry for my self. Its pathetic I know but... Argh!!!

The weekend didn't help, The work didn't help. The tears didn't help. Nothing works right now.

Not sure whether a news I have just received today will make my situation worsen or better. I may have to transfer to another company. Its temporary but it mean a change. Another change! I am flexible and all but considering everything that I have on my plate right now, I'm not sure if too much change is a good thing or not.

I do believe everything happens for a reason and if you believe in the miracle and God, you know that God only gives you what you need and whatever it is given, it is good for you. It is for the best because it is arrange by God.

What is best for me now is to let nature takes it course. Submit to God's will. Do the best that I can with what has been given to me.

Budget

Making ends meet. That's what we as adults have to do. I earn a comfortable living but still I am tied to a budget due to financial mistakes I made in my 20s.

Hopefully, by the end of this year, I get to set aside more money for leisure such as travel and beauty and perhaps a property.

Back to the topic which is budget. I don't think that I am always on a tight budget coz my budget still give me means to splurge on things that I like. We did have a tight budget when we were in a transition period. We calculate everything. Set a budget down to every last ringgit of each day just so that we could get by for that particular month. That was then. Now, I roughly know how much I need to spend each month. If I manage to spend even lesser, that's a win for me.

I actually love calculating my budget. Feels so satisfied when I manage to crossed out items from my checklist. Will be receiving my salary soon so it means I get to review and calculate my budget for next month. I wish I can be more frugal so that I get to save up more money for vacations and nice things.

Expectations

Is it wrong to have high expectation? Expecting someone else to be fair to you. Expecting others to treat you as you treat them.

I learned that when you expect so much from someone else, when you put so much hope on others, you will end up being dissapointed. People are naturally selfish. Human is always on their very own survival mode. Not many willing to sacrifice for you. They will always put their need first

When you know that you could not expect too much from others, why do we keep putting hopes on people other than yourself? Sadly, for the time being, I don't have a clever answer to that question.

At this very moment, all I could say is that, putting any hopes on others is such a silly thing to do. People do not care about you. They just care about themselves. Their own survival. Their own happiness.

I guess, when you are used to relying on your selves and expecting nothing from others, you will not worry about being dissapointed or be mad at those other than your selves.

List, Listing, Listed, Lists

A few months back I read an article written by the Virgin's Founder Richard Branson whereby he loves making lists and tips of making a good list. Today I further read that making lists help to overcome anxiety and boosts creativity. No wonder I love listing out plans whenever I'm anxious.

Lets make a few short lists for fun!

Lists of food I can cook (coz I'm kinda hungry at the moment)

1. curry - vegies, eggs, chicken, beef
2. soups - same as above
3. pasta - bolognese, marinara, meatballs
4. fried rice/noodles - easy peasy
5. sandwiches - be creative! french toast everything!
6. salads - eggs and potato salad, coleslaw, chicken salad, etc
7. laksa - haven't make this in awhile
8. desserts - give me a recipe and I can do anything
9. sambal tempeh with anchovies - pack full of protein!
10. sambal udang and tempoyak - stinky but owh so good!
11. fritters - potatoes, anchovies, onions. Local snacks.


Lists of places I love in Malaysia

1. Melaka - top of the list. Its small, it has everything for everyone. History, food and culture.
2. TTDI - greenary, lots of good coffee place and so near from my house
3. Cameron Highland - cold climate, tea and fresh fruits and vegetables
4. Petaling Jaya - so many malls, so many awesome makan places, so many choices
5. Islands - Perhentian is the best, then its Tioman.
6. Taiping - the weather is always so romantic.
7. Kuala Lumpur - its a metropolitan. It has everything.  

Plans, Planning, Planners

I love making plans. When I am just struggling with current situation, when the reality is just so hard to swallow, I will make plans.

Financial plans, vacation plans, meal plans, you name it. I will make them all. Normally I do it when I'm bored alone at home. And sometimes I do it when my head is just a pile of mess waiting to explode.

However, sticking to the plan, or executing the plans are a different subject matter altogether. Making plans divert my mind from dealing with the current situation and focusing on the plans, the future, the endless possibilities.

Currently I am a bit worried about making ends meet. My budget for this month and next month is a bit affected. I took up a new insurance policy and they made a huge initial deduction. I also had to send my car for repairs and that also hurt me financially. Everything is supposed to return to normal on September and on November, i will be free from my car loans. I am sooo looking forward to that.

Honestly, I am looking forward to end this year as soon as possible. I think next year will be much much better for me.

Consistency

Feel so uninspired lately. been hard to be steadfast on anything. Weight loss challenge was a total bust in my opinion. Maybe i loss a bit of weight but it so small that I don't want to even acknowledge it. Finance challenge is a total bust as well eventho my finance is still above water.

I can't wait for this year to end so that I can look forward to a new salary scale, a bonus (maybe) and a lower monthly debt repayment.

Got nothing to look forward to for the next couple of months. Feeling miserable as I am always stressed out at work. Sometimes stressed out at home as well.Thinking of a holiday, most probably in October during Deepavali.

There are many things that I need to do. Important things that I've been putting off. Why I can't just do it??

major car servicing - < 2k (estimated)
emergency funds - 6k

Those are the 2 important thing i should be working on right now. i need a system and i need to stick to it. i should just close 1 eye and transfer out my money to another acc? I should just try that out first kan? I can set aside 600 per month. No big deal. Once i pay off my car loan, I can set aside more than 1k. That is happening hopefully by November.

I hope this foul mood of mind improve soon.

Scared To Be Lonely

Sounds like a lyric to the recent hit song. Oh well... it is

M thinking of travelling but I'm scared of being alone while travelling. I have a travelling partner now, but that friend is not an adventurous type. Can be pushed to doing certain things but got mood swing one. Really prefers staying indoors type of person. Really not suitable if you want to explore and walkabout aimlessly.

I want to see small towns in England. Still... I am crushing on England hard! If I get to migrate or just became an expatriate, England is where I want to go.

I have so many plans in my mind right now. Not just travelling but also making big purchases. My car broke down last Wednesday. Managed to get it fix but since it is an old car, I'm thinking of replacing it with a new one. But it is such a big purchase. Such a waste of money when I already have a good working vehicle.

If I calculated correctly, when I finished a few loans and the hire purchase loan, I would have an extra of more than 1000 per month. Yes, I can afford to buy a new one, but the question is whether I want to or not? I would rather save all that money to travel.

Decision, decision...

You Can Make What You Want

So I came across this old video on law of attraction on facebook yesterday. I am not a stranger to this concept. Basically, I believe that you/I can attract anything we think and feel about. You attract what you want and what you don't want depending on which one you are thinking about more.

So today I've decided to go on a trip most probably a solo trip to Europe and may be UK. All I need to think about is that trip. I aim to make it happen in the mid of towards the end of next year. I am researching everything about the places I am going to see and the things I'm going to do.

I want to focus on ma king me happy first.

Travel Bug

This happens every once in awhile. The feeling of wanting to travel. The urge to just make plans. I'm creating alerts for flights tix to Bali, Amsterdam and UK. I'm looking at my financial and mentally calculating when I could carry out these plans. I'm looking at calendars just to see all the holidays I could utilize.

 I'm hoping I would be rewarded with a year end bonus. That would mean I have enough money to travel sometime early next year. My mom invited me to do umrah in February so, my best bet would be a few months after that coz I cant be taking back to back long leave from work.

So, practically I'm planning to go on leave May next year provided its not yet puasa month. If not, its gonna be August next year. That's a long way to go meaning I have a lot of time to plan and save up.

Should I plan for a solo trip? Never done it before. A bit scary come to think of it. But with proper planning, it should go well. Will it gonna be fun tho? You will only know once you try it right?

Draggy Monday

Had a lazy weekend which was much needed and welcomed. Today, starting the week with boredness. Work was slow and my mind is still thinking of vacation.

Been binging on The Tudors over the weekend. Just looking at the England's landscape made me feel like wanting to return back to England. I miss the cool weather and beautiful scenery. The thing is travelling overseas is so expensive. Flight tix is expensive, accommodation, ground arrangement. But to me, if you plan and manage your travel wisely, you could save much.

Should I make plans to go back to England? It has to be a 2018 plan which is such a looong way to go. Making plans doesn't cost money so why not??

Weight Loss Updates

The effort has been fruitful. I manage to down size my clothes from XL to L. My gym operator noticed the change last week. He said that it shows I am burning more than I consume. That was the plan.

Been reducing my portion. Abstaining from fried and oily food. Ate lots of soups, salads, sandwiches and oats whenever I need my carbo. And lots of eggs. Probably had consumed more than 50 eggs this month alone. Hopefully I can be consistent. Its a bit hard to maintain it especially during weekends. But I kept pushing my self. Not allowing my self to miss gym more than 2 days in a row.

Below are photos of my favourite meals:

Grilled cheese sandwich with tomatoes and cucumber

salads with Greek yogurt

salad with boiled eggs and olive oil

stuffed omelet with cheese

granola and oats

sushi. didn't make these obviously

more salad with Greek yogurt

Annoyance of the Day

In a dilemma. I might need to pay more for my income tax. is not that I don't have the money, its just on principle, I feel that I have paid more to the government yearly through the periodic salary deduction. Yet, after assessment, I still need to pay more. Its just annoying.

Simply annoying. I should just pay up and get it over with.

Or should i not?

Weight Loss Challenge Update Day (2nd Week)

It has been a tough journey. I am overly tired today. Not sure whether it is because I am mentally stressed or physically tired. Work has been a challenge but fun nonetheless so I am grateful.

Updating the blog everyday is a huge challenge for me so today I will going to sum up everything I have done and eat for the past 2 weeks.

Gym Training

Started on 30th March. I tried to go every single day but due to family's plan etc, I missed 5 days of gym day. I feel sore and aching and so tired today. Really want to take a day off and just retire to bed early. But then, I would feel so guilty since I have yet to see any prominent change in my body.

Food

Been trying to cut down on oily and salty food as well as sugary drinks. Been failing when it comes to my morning coffee. But I do try to cut down the consumption. I take that as progress nonetheless. Usual food nowadays consist of sandwiches, omelettes, soups, lots of eggs inspired dishes, lots of cucumber and tomatoes salads and granola with oats and milk.

My personal take

Gym is a struggle but I know its paying off. Pants starting to loosened. Sweating makes me feel good. Body is not as achy. Just the lethargy, I'm still struggling with each day. Food preparation, i dont mind. Its simple actually. Just need to get creative with what you have. Cost wise, it can get expensive. Expensive items; milk and fresh veggies. Otherwise, its bearable. 

Till then!

30 Days Weight Loss Challenge - Day 1

I am planning for a beach holiday sometime in May so i need to look good in a swim suit therefore lets start with a good clean diet. So today is Day 1. I already made a mistake when I consumed a cup of coffee with condensed milk. I need to burn it off in the gym today. So yeah, I am going to the gym.

I'm gonna try to drink lots of water today and have a light lunch as well as light dinner. We'll see how it progress.

Summary of my 30 days weight loss plan.

1. hit the gym at least 5 times per week

2. low carbs, portion control, clean eating 

3. dont skip breakfast

4. be consistent and persevere!

breakfast ideas

1. egg, toast, coffee

2. oats, yogurt, coffee

dinner/lunch ideas

1. egg, cheese, tomato, lettuce sandwich

2. grill chicken salad

3. potato salad

4. grill chicken sandwich

5. just veggies

6. chicken soup

Need to work on these ideas to avoid getting bored eating the same thing.

TGIF

It has been a good week and I am grateful. We have a new joiner in our department. She seems pleasant enough. It would be an interesting times ahead. She seems outspoken and very capable. Slightly older but doesn't really look it but yeah... we will be fine.

Work has been plenty as per normal. I have been on top of things most of the time. I really really try to be the best and give the best I could. I am grateful to be given the ability to just be committed to work.

I have yet to get to my happy place at work. Still feel as if I'm struggling. Especially since my boss started this new system whereby we cover each others work so that in case 1 person disappear, another one can take over. I end up having to cover for the other 2's work and my work is mostly being handled by me alone. For the time being, everything is still under control.

Enough whining. I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend. Probably hit the gym, do a bit of housework and chill. 1 week to go before payday!

Carpe diam! - A new makan place i like.It also means seize the day.

The Attitude of Gratefulness at Work

I had a pretty rough weekend last week. On Sunday I ended up in a bookstore just reading. Its been awhile since I have the chance to just sit and read. With being online getting more and more interesting due to cool apps, enhance gadget etc, its easy to forget to maintain my reading habit.

I managed to read (skim through to be exact) 3 books. 1 about migrating to Australia, 1 titled "Unlocking Happiness At Work" (I know the title coz I took a snapshot for Instagram #vain) and the last 1 was Nomadic Matt's book. How to travel the World with $50 per day (or something like that). All 3 were so interesting, but today I'm just going to touch on book no. 2.

The titled was pretty relevant to me and my colleague after what we've been through at work last week. She was under so much pressure that she cried in the office. 2 days she cried (not continuously of coz). Somehow she couldn't process our boss guidance positively. She admitted that she is not the most positive person and when she was being told off/advice in a very strong manner, she tends to look at it very, very negatively. She really feel that the boss doesn't like her or she is so slow and bad that the boss cannot tolerate her anymore etc.

I shared with her a summarized content of the book. Thought about buying the book initially but when I saw repeating points in the book, I feel that its not worth buying. 1 main point in her book is that you have to have the attitude of gratitude. The author make reference to many test to measure happiness. They asked test subject (employee) to spend 3 minutes each day to write down the things they are grateful for at the start of work. The test result shows that those who does that are happier than those who didn't.

I have read this recurring subject before. Rhonda Bernes in her book The Secret mentioned it and several other self help book also use the same point simply because it really works. So, today I am grateful for the chance to update this blog, I am grateful for the amazing company I am working for and I am super grateful for the amazing life I have today, to be able to breathe fresh cool air this morning.

Have a wonderful day ahead peeps!

Early Confirmation

Happy day in deed. Thanks to God Almighty, today I received my confirmation letter. I was doubting my self so many times. I was complaining of how hard it is all the time. To be confirmed early, makes all the hard work and the struggle so much sweeter.

Since the confirmation comes with a bonus, I am going to start planning for an awesome holiday.

Alhamdulillah, truly I'm not worthy of all these blessings God has given me. All praises to Allah!

Work Life Balance

My company tries their best to promote work life balance. We can get flexi hours, we can claim for gym subscriptions, music class and whatever that can promotes a healthy lifestyle.

Last week, we were shaken by the passing of one of our colleague due to heart failure. She was well liked, hardworking and have been serving the company for more than 24 years. We were told that she spent long hours in the office, always working till late in the night. Everyone was sadden by the news and advice were circulating asking everyone to take good care of our own health and work cannot take precedent over our own health.

Since I did not know the deceased, I was not too affected by the news. Working with this company has it owns pros and cons. It is my first local and public listed company. The work culture is very different. Since the company is so big, its hard to know everyone except for colleagues working in the same department.

Although I do mainly corporate works, I hardly feel that I am in a corporate world. Its weird. This company is a down to earth cooperate company in my opinion. I'm still very new to this company so my opinion is a bit limited.

So far, life in this new company has been an adventure and a blessing. I hope to continue learning and give added value to the company in every assignment that is assign to me.

Muslims Ban in America

One for the history book. Less than a week in office, President Trump has issued several moronic Executive Orders. One of it is Muslims Ban. Its a term coined by press i supposed because basically Trump is stopping all entries to US for 7 Muslims Countries. Eventho those entering are US citizens.

Those affected are mostly Muslims travelers, immigrants and refugees. The reason for the "temporary" ban was national security. Trump wants a better vetting system in place for those visiting US from these 7 countries.

People all over the world is protesting. The amount of riot and protest in US is at all time high. Reading the news and watching the videos shared by friends in US, its devastating and surreal. Its like we are all moving backwards.

It is sad really. The land of freedom is not as free as it used to be anymore I guess.

Although Malaysia is not directly affected by the ban, I just feel that the ban is inhumane. What is those who are travelling due to business reason have families in US. They were stranded in airports for hours and according to the Executive Orders, they are to be deported. What would happened to the family?

As fellow human, I could not help but to sympathize with those who are affected. May God grant you ease in these trying times.

Where to find motivation

I'm thinking of a new routine.I'm thinking of joining a gym. To be lean and mean was last year's reso. Did not manage to achieve it for some reason.

Making somewhat the same reso again this year. But I need to put a plan in place to make sure it is possible for me to follow through and eventually achieve it. All I need is to be consistent.

I should just utilize the gym at my apartment. Or just jog up and down the hill. I don't need a gym membership actually. I just need motivation.

What could be my motivation? Looking beautiful? Nah.. I am comfortable in my own skin but I could not deny, I could look much better if my tummy is flatter and my thigh is smaller. Just need 1 little push. Probably a self reward?

Need to think of the best gift for my self now. What could it be? What do I want most? A beach holiday. That's what I want and need right now.

Need to buy a weighing scale first.

Overthinking

It turns out that my boss was just slightly angry at me. Overthinking caused unnecessary stress to me. At the end of the day, all was well.

There is another issue I'm currently facing. Currently overthinking and keep dwelling on it. I should have stop thinking but I will only do it once I figure it out. What should i do about it. Do I face it head on? Should I just let it be?

I should focus on making me happy. What will make me happy?Travelling makes me happy. I'm thinking of Boracay, Phuket, Amsterdam and New Zealand. Perhaps I should plan a solo trip. Some where I really like.

I really like small towns and country side in UK. Quaint coffee shops and book cafes. Cool weather. I'm thinking about the things I love but it still does not make me feel happy.

I need to reset my thoughts pronto.

Justifying Action

I chose to not follow a specific instruction because I feel that by following the instruction, the assignment will not be completed ever.

The fact that I'm defying authority is making me sick to my stomach and I'm hoping that the "authority" will not punish me when she found out about it.

But then again. I have my reason for it. And the reason is to get it done with less hassle. Let see if my argument could stand tomorrow. Its going to be my judgment day.

Coward

Somehow I'm a bit unmotivated. Is that even a word? I'm lacking drive.

I have a few things that I need to sort out with my life and I'm putting everything on hold just because I'm not ready to face reality. Reality is so scary sometimes.

I wish I am braver. Just bite the bullet! Just take the first step! Be bold! Just do it!

Easier said than done. Life is so hard? My choices make my life even harder. Choosing to be a coward makes my life harder.

I need a pushing factor. I need to push my self. Nobody is going to push me. Ugh...

Just get it over with!

Probably it could be easier if I talk it out with someone I could trust. Make plans together.

Let see whether that could work.

2017

The 6th day of 2017. I want to put such high hopes to this year. Make big changes, be a better me but right now I feel a bit tired of it all. There are so many obstacles and I feel that the road is too hard.

My new work place is awesome. The work is hard but I know I'm learning so much. I'm still keeping my positive nature for as long as I could. Nowadays I think I'm just bored. I'm going thru life with much less enthusiasm.

I need to feel enthusiastic again. Perhaps I need a new hobby. New idea. Fresh idea.

Probably I just need fresh air.

Weekend ahead. I'm thankful for that.