Married Life

Its been almost 6 months since our marriage ceremony. It seems like such a short span of time but I feel like we have gone through a lot. We have experienced so much and it has certainly been an adventure. Let's do a quick recap.

We were married at the end of December 2019. We took some time out to celebrate our wedding, spent some times with the kids in Lumut and KL just sightseeing and then we are back to our routine. I was busy for the whole month of January and February. Yet we manage to get a quick getaway to Melaka during Chinese New Year and a quick islands getaway in mid march. That was at the onset of Covid 19 outbreak. 

After we finished our short island honeymoon,  it was school holidays and the kids spent time with us. A few days into the school holiday Malaysia was ordered to quarantine for almost 3 months due to Covid 19. During the lockdown, I became a full time housewife and mommy with office work on the side since we get to work from home. The quarantine/lockdown was just lifted 3 days ago and the new normal begins.

Back to the topic, married life. There are some nights that my mind just stop and wonder, is this for real? There is a man sleeping besides me whom I call him husband. Who is sharing every part of my life. It was just last year I pray to be married to someone who can complete me. Now here I am. Feeling complete.

So Ramadhan this year was different but it was fulfilling. I get to cook for the whole family. Observe the kids growing. My prayers are all for our well-being, increase in imaan, and jannah.

I feel like the both of us has a long way to go. At the same time, I am scared if I dont really have a lot of time in this world to do it all with him. I am taking one step at a time. Hopefully I am going to the right direction.

Cemburu

Perasaan yang negetif

Tapi bisa bertukar positif

Hanya perlu pemikiran kreatif

Bila dilihat media sosial mereka

Penuh gambar-gambar

Setiap kelebihan terpancar

Kadang buat hati kecil gusar

Membanding kehidupan sendiri yang nampak hambar

Cemburulah pada mereka yang tidak punya apa

Tapi masih tersenyum gembira

Cemburulah pada mereka yang berduka

Menempuh dugaan penuh sabar

Cemburulah pada mereka yang serba kurang

Menghulurkan bantuan tak kira jurang

Cemburulah pada mereka yang sentiasa sibuk

Berusaha cari redha Al-Mulk

Viral Trends in Malaysia During Lockdown

Here in Malaysia, we are finishing phase 4 of the lockdown (MCO). Many companies has start to work from office again. My company is maintaining social distancing and operate on 50% capacity from the office. the other 50% are working from home.

Throughout the lockdown, we came across many viral trends. Since most people are bored and spent a lot of time on social media, these viral trends really take off.

1. Dalgona Coffee

This was amongst the earliest trend the sweep through Malaysia and apparently the entire world. Since its coffee related and we can drink coffee all day and night during lockdown (coz who need sleep right?), it makes perfect sense why this one was such a big hit. It is really really easy to make too. You can click here if you still have yet to jump on the bandwagon - How to Make Dalgona Coffee

2. Homemade Donut

Eating donut and sipping coffee at the comfort of your own house is just so blissful right? So yeah. This is another viral thing. People now has the time to try something slightly complicated like donuts. I did too after my husband bought me a stand mixer. Who knew, stand mixers and flour could be such a hit during lockdown in Malaysia

3. Other baking/dessert recipes

Owh yeah. Since we spent half of Ramadhan at home, meaning no bazaar Ramadhan, we now have to make our own sweets for berbuka. I tried lots of recipes. Some of which I shared in my previous post.

4. Gardening

I think this one could be rather new and on a down low coz not many people has a plot of land to work on or a huge space to store all their plants and trees and whatnot. But yeah, I think this trend is gaining momentum in recent days. There are those who shared sellers that actually ship life plants all over Malaysia. Somehow, I am on that bandwagon since last week. Been trying to grow my own onion plants but I dont have soil yet. I'm buying a few stuff and hopefully I can built my own garden soon.

5. Uploading tones of food pics

Since everyone had to cook their own food or order from food delivery, everyone's cooking skills improved tremendously. People are counting days by sharing their homecook meals and recipes. Some become and overnight sensation since they posted videos of their cooking on Youtube. I only post food pics during Ramadhan coz only then I am hype enough to try new recipes and cook nice things.

Hopefully, all these new found hobby and interest last even after this lockdown is over.

Recipes I love

Since I was stuck at home with my husband and 2 kids for more than months, I got the chance to try so many recipes. Cooking for people who loves to eat is such a blessing. I thought of writing down all the recipes I love so that it is easier for me to refer but who writes offline anymore? I dont really measure my ingredients most of the time. So all the measurements written are just guidance

Here goes:

1. Bengkang Mak

2 cawan tepung gandum 1 cawan gula pasir 1 cawan air

pewarna hijau

perisa pandan 3 cawan santan 2 biji telur 1/2 sudu kecil garam 

minyak masak

2. Kueh Ketayap

1 1/2 cawan Santan

1 cawan tepung gandum

2 biji telur

minyak masak

garam

Inti

Cairkan gula merah dengan air dalam kuali. capur gula kasar and daun pandan. Bila dah cair masukkan kelapa. Bila almost kering, masukkan tepung gandum 1 sudu

Kueh bom inti kelapa - macam mochi actually

2 cawan tepung pulut

1/2 cawan tepung gandum

garam

air suam

bijan

mix everything together. uli. isi inti kelapa. then goreng

Travel Recapped

We just got back from our trip to Langkawi and Koh Lipe. It was supposed to be our honeymoon but since I got my period 2 days before the trip, the whole trip was more like a trip with you super best friend.

We spent sometime in Langkawi and then 1 night in Koh Lipe before going back home through Langkawi. Since we are travelling in the middle of Covid 19 outbreak, there was no long Q anywhere. Koh Lipe was somewhat quieter even though it is on high season.

We did enjoy ourselves nonetheless. Swimming and snorkeling. Walking by the beach. Drinking coffee, eating ice creams. It was fun but like all every other trips, its tiring.

When we got back to Langkawi from Koh Lipe, we are so ready to go home. 4 nights is just nice for us. We get to do a bit of everything. He indulged me with everything I wanted and we also has started planning our next trip.

He wants to travel again in June which is his birthday month and also Raya month. Not too sure if it is the best time to travel but that is his plan. If we are to bring the kids with us, it has to be somewhere nearby. I am thinking of Redang or Tioman island. It has to be a resort so that the kids will not be too bored.

Laguna is the only nice resort in Redang whilst Berjaya would be the one for Tioman. But with all these covid 19 cases, we are not sure if it is advisable to even go to work or school now.

Underlying Cause

When confronting any issues/situation/problems, I have the tendency to look into the underlying cause of whatever issues/situation/problems that I may have. This is some sort of a job requirement because our department needs to provide solution for problems that have yet to surface. Most of the time, we need to expect the worst in any given situation and provide a solution for it even if that worst case scenario may not even happen.

Due to this occupational hazard, i tend to over analyze a lot of things in my life. I questioned every single move that anyone close to me makes every single day. This would include my family members, my colleagues etc.

I find that this over analyzing obsession helps me in certain situation but most of the time it creates a lot of doubts. I will keep on asking questions like, why are they so nice to me? Is it genuine or are they like pretending to be nice to me because .... Or, why is she late today? Is the excuse she is giving is legit? Or is she pretending to be sick bla bla bla..

Sometimes, I even over analyze petty things like certain behaviour of certain social media influncer which have no bearing whatsover in my life. I would have thoughts like, are they really crying coz they are sad or are they doing it for the views and the clicks?

When I am talking to my kids, when my kids present me with a story, I would always analyze every single words they said to me. I analyze their actions as well. I try to figure the intention behind every action and every words. Is this a bad thing to do? They are sweet kids. Always trying to pleased me. But, I am the type of person who will get uncomfortable with praises. Am i wrong to over analyzed these kids?

Gratitude List No. 1 for 2020

Last year, 2019 I only manage to write 1 gratitude list. I wrote another one but it was only in draft form because I started to complain whilst writing the list - which I feel defeat the whole purpose of being grateful. But then again, 2019 was one of the shortest year I ever had due to the circumstances surrounding my life. I have a lot to be grateful for, I am grateful yet I did not have the time to write them all down. I want to be better this year.

Today, I really truly am feeling grateful for what I have today. Alhamdulillah, I had a hectic weekend. On Saturday, Eddy sat for an exam and I had a dinner event. Eddy picked up the kids on Saturday evening and went for a movie. They picked me up at 11 and we went home. Sunday was busy. I was cooking and cleaning after the kids. In the evening, we sent them back to Putrajaya. A few hours later, we received a call from the eldest that they need to stay over till Wednesday. That would mean that I will have my hands full this week.

Last night was probably the last night we could be alone without the kids. My nights these days are filled with endless kissing and love making. I could hardly believe that I get to marry someone who is just as passionate as me. Let's just see what happen tonight. The youngest really love to knock on our doors and sleep with his daddy which totally annoys the heck out of me. I need to find solution for that.

Update:
The kids were great. They slept early. Woke up early and did not knock on our door. Eddy is always forever so helpful. He is just great.

Novel Coronavirus (Covid)

This is the most terrifying news I've read for the past 2 weeks. I am no expert in this area so please read up on novel coronavirus to understand the subject matter.

The virus has been spreading at an alarming rate all over the world and the ground zero is a province in China. This epidemic has led to a total lockdown of Wuhan, where the virus was first identified. The whole thing is complicated by the fact that China can be a very secretive government. The flow of information is being monitored so who is able to verify whether whatever information that is being broadcast is actually accurate.

So now WHO, local governments and even my own company have issued warnings and precautionary measures to follow. As the vaccine has yet to be found and the total death toll has risen to more than 1000 (which is more than SARS), I could only pray for Allah to protect us all.

I still remember the news a few days before coronavirus hits. It was on muslims of  Uyghur which was being oppressed by the China government. There were a lot of news report, statements and videos being published to create awareness on this issue until coronavirus strikes. I pray that Allah protects our Uyghur's brothers and sisters during this trying times.

I do know that everything is God's plans and God's plan is the best as He is the best planner.

2020

It is already the mid of 2nd month of 2020. I have been very slow in updating this blog which actually serves as my journal coz I dont think anybody read it except me.

Anyhow, just a quick recap.

1. I am married! Alhamdulillah.. I like to think that the majlis went well but of course there are dramas as per normal in my family

2. I have moved into my own house last week! Another reason to be super grateful for my life.

3. January was hectic. I was in Penang for work every single week! It was tough on me and Eddy I think. But the long distance makes the reunion so much sweeter.

4. We did manage a quick getaway to Melaka. I was feeling a bit feverish and the trip did made me feel better.

5. Eddy my husband is annoying, helpful, sweet, romantic, annoying and sweet. He has been everything I asked from God and more. Yes, I wrote annoying twice just because I can be easily annoyed by his antics.

Savings Habit

I like to think that I am not that good in saving money and that is why last year I force myself to take up ASB loan. I was a little bit dissapointed to find out that the dividend declared this was lower than last year. Nonetheless, I considered that as a bonus to be kept for the future. If I am going to maintain the same amount for at least 5 years, I would have at least 60K in the bank.

I would love to accumulate at least 100K by the time I am 40. I already have a bit of money saved in my tabung haji. I would have enough money to perform haj in a year's time (or so). But now that I am getting married, I would want my husband to follow me for haj. As such, I need to device a plan for him to start saving for haj as well. 

Maybe I could ask him to give me 50 per week. In a month, I would have 200. In a year, he would have at least 2.4k. He would need at least 15k to be able to go with Tabung Haji and 50k if we want to go with a private package. I think my mom used the same method on my dad.

To me it is important to have a clear priority. Focus on what is most important. Find God and the rest will fall into place.

I do have other dreams like a trip to Europe on Christmas time, a honeymoon in Maldives etc. We are just starting out as a family so we need to start somewhere. Let's start right...

Bismillah!

Building Better Habits

I've been receiving a weekly newsletter from the author James Clear. He is an author who advocates in developing better habit because better habits leads to a better lifestyle and better lifestyle will give you better result. Instead of focusing on having a better goals, have a better lifestyle.

Today I am thinking about the type of lifestyle I want to sustain for 2020. There will be changes in circumstances which would lead to some sort of change in habits and lifestyle. But those changes are expected changes. I would want to make sure that each change would lead to a better me.

As we will be newly weds, I would aim to have a modest, low key lifestyle. For the next 3 years, I would like to focus on building our nest. Lots of homecook meals, lots of walks in the park on the weekends, lots of staying in watching tv series. We will have trips, but will need to make it low key as well. Focus on the moments spend together instead of sharing everything with the rest of the world. I have Langkawi trip in March. Maybe we just have a low key time in the islands, keep the budget to a minimum and then focus on another trip after UPSR ends with the kids.

I would like to accumulate at least 10k by the end of next year from saving. I will have some dividend payout from ASB this year which I want to use to buy more shares so that next year I would have more dividend payout. I will  have to set aside at least 850 per month on top of the current 200 i already been setting aside into my Tabung haji. The ultimate goal is to have 100k (excluding my tabung haji saving) by the time I am 40. What am I going to do with 100k?, Probably put it in a fixed deposit and just watch it grow. Maybe take a trip on my 40th birthday to somewhere really nice. Hopefully I get to perform Haj with my husband. Ameen..

Let's get back to my original post which is lifestyle change. I want to be able to save more and be debt free again. I have this personal loan that is really bugging me. I will renegotiate the terms with the bank next year to see if I can pay it off earlier. That would ease up my monthly expenses.

So next year's lifestyle change would revolve around spending less than I earn so that we can save more.

New Habit for Next Year:

Packed lunch
Less grab
Cook more
Pay less using credit card, only use cash
have a fixed monthly budget
Less showing off at social media
focus on real stuff in front of me
read more

Uninspired

I have a handful of drafts. I've been typing out the titles of the posts and end up not writing or not finishing the posts. Feeling so uninspired.

 The last 2 weeks had been rough. I ended up filling so sick for the past 3 days. My sinus is all blocked and probably infected. I have been using sterimar to normalize my sinus irrigation, drinking lots of water and taking some meds to clear up the flu-like symptoms.

Luckily, work-wise, things have been slowing down a bit. I have time to make plans for honeymoon and holidays. the not so nice part is that my house is still stuck. it is really troublesome having something like that just stuck not moving despite all the follow up. ugh...

I need something positive to think about but I couldnt find any for the time being.

Medical Psychology

This is a long post. This is just my mental note so that I do not forget these 2 important events.

Late last year, I had the scare of my life when I heard the news that 1 of my close friend went missing for almost a week. Knowing her and her character, we jumped to the worst conclusion ever. I just silently hope and prayed that she was fine. May Allah protect us all.

A week after the news that she was missing went viral on social media, she was found. She checked herself into a mental hospital and went for ruqyah sessions. Apparently she was a victim of black magic. The person who did that was someone who has been eyeing for her position in the university (my friend is a lecturer). I remember discussing her condition with my ex-bf. I simply asked him if anyone would find me in case i went missing. If anyone would even noticed that I was gone. Would he feel worried etc... Being a nice guy that he is, of course he gave me the kind of answer I want to hear.

Who would have known that, a few months after that, my ex-bf faced somewhat similar situation. However, his condition was more extreme because he was admitted into a mental hospital. He was diagnosed with psychosis. His mental just got disconnected with reality and he just keep on rumbling nonsense.

I get to visit him when he was less than 10 days in the hospital. Prior to the visit, I spoke with him over the phone almost everyday. Just asking him what he wants to eat, how is he doing etc and telling him that I am coming to visit. There was one time that he told me no need to come as he was planning to come over to KL. just to get away from things and rest. I just told him, i want to see him and let me know if he needs anything.

I flew to KK on a Saturday morning. A friend picked me up from the airport and we went to the hospital with 2 buckets of KFC coz that what he asked for. When we arrived, his family (mom, aunty and sisters) were already there. It was lunch time. The first time he saw me, he looked so confuse. As if he didn't know that I was coming to visit him. He walked towards me and gave me a huge hug. He whispered, "I'm sorry" and I replied "It's ok. You are ok". My take on his condition that day, he was just off. He was not himself. A part of him was being replaced by someone or some "thing" that I don't recognized. I sensed bits and pieces of him but his demeanor was just off.

The next day (Sunday), my flight out to KL was scheduled late in the evening. So I planned just to hang out with him. I told his family that they can take some time off and not worry about him that day. He seemed different on Sunday. He was himself. 95% himself. We talked about everything. We made plans. He was hopeful and positive which made me hopeful and positive as well.

2 days after I came back from KK, i flew to Osaka for a week. Upon my return form Osaka, I start researching his condition. From my reading, I think he went through psychosis due to marijuana consumption and developed bipolar disorder due to that. At that time, he was still in the hospital. I called to speak to him and felt that his spirit was dwindling. Its harder to speak to him as he slept more. When I get to speak to him, he sounded irritated. I pleaded to the family to get him out of the hospital as soon as possible. I can sensed that he is no longer doing well.

There was a long weekend holiday in February due to Chinese New Year. I decided to flew to KK just to check on him. If he was still not discharge, I just want to hangout with him and keep him company. I was down with fever and flu at that time. It was a prolonged condition had it since December. Probably due to the back to back flights during that period. A day before I was supposed to fly to KK, I got the news that he had been discharged. I texted him and told him that I will be in KK just recovering from my flu. We can get together whenever he feel like he is up to it. He just replied that he just want to stay home. I am fine with it.

I was in KK for 3 nights if I'm not mistaken. I spent a lot of time just walking around KK playing tourist. I also managed to go to the islands near KK. But since I was feverish, I couldn't really enjoy the water. The last night i was there, I texted his sister and told her that I want to drop by the next day. She was shocked to know that I was in KK but she was kind enough to invite me to her house.

I met him at his sister's place. He was depressed. His short term memory was bad. He hardly remember that I came to visit him a few weeks back but he still remember a lot of things from our past. He was suicidal and seeing him like that made me so sad. All I can do is to pray to God for his recovery. He sent me to the airport. We said our goodbyes and I felt that I said goodbye to a stranger. He is no longer the person I once knew.

We still keep in touch. He would sometime called me out of the blue. I think he is feeling much better now. He is no longer on medication but he still refuse to leave the house. His family took him to Thailand but he doesn't look like he enjoyed himself. I texted his sister once in awhile just to check on him. He is well and that is all that matters.

The whole experience ignites my interest in psychology. I was first introduced to this subject when I was in high school. I did consider getting my bachelor degree in psychology but my family (aka. my uncle Podin), was (and still is) against the idea. Researching on the conditions suffered by both my friends made me realized that I really like reading materials on psychology decided to take up a master course in medical psychology with a local university. From my research also I found out that Malaysia do not have enough psychiatrist and mental illness is no. 2 silent  killer after heart condition among Malaysians. I received the invitation to go for interview last week and decided to turn it down since my current personal affairs is too hectic at the moment. I might try to apply again next year, insyaAllah. If I could help people get better, I want to do that. I want to be useful to the people in need. May Allah ease and protect us all.