Why are women so petty (sometimes)?

I just realised (literally just realised it a few minutes ago) that I have this tendency to be petty. I am not sure when it started. I hope it was not a built-in thing coz I really dislike to be equate with such cliche trait for a women.  

I hate myself for being petty. Even whilst I was saying (typing) those petty sentences to my husband, I spite myself for doing it. Somehow, I have little control over my action. I don't believe in such thing (having no control over your own action). It sounded like I am disclaiming responsibility towards my own action. I wish I could just disclaim it and blame it on my hormone or the devil, in the end, there is only me, myself and I.

My poor husband was the victim of my ongoing pettiness. It started yesterday. He didn't invite me to go to the park. I guess, I feel abandoned. I always ask him to do everything with me but this one time he decided not to take me with him. He doesn't think that he is doing anything wrong so he doesn't feel the need to apologize to me. The thing is this. I like to think that I am rational and most of the time logical but somehow, his excuses sounded so selfish to me. I know he has no intention of hurting my feeling, yet I'm still hurt. 

I should just let it go. Holding on to this petty stupid issue would only hurt me. I'm hurt and he should know that. But he did not apologize. I guess that's why I'm now bitter and spiteful. 

Gratitude (Friday - 6 January)

There is so much to be grateful for. Truly. If we spent just a few minutes to think about all our blessings and thank Allah for all of them, it will definitely improve our mood.

Yesterday, I had a fruitful day at work. It was challenging but definitely satisfying. We finally visited Paya Indah Wetlands. Saw the hippos, crocs, tortoises and horses being fed and enjoy Allah's beautiful nature. Beautiful reflection of the sky and the trees during a sunny day. Magnificent view created by Allah. I am so blessed to be able to see it all. 

I went home tired but I get the house to my self since my husband and son were in Putrajaya. I manage to muster what little energy left and cooked a healthy porridge full of veggies and a few dollop of mushroom potage soup. I get to enjoy a bit of a downtime in front of the tv and slept early.

To  my surprise, my husband came home in the wee morning blessed his heart for driving all the way from Putrajaya just to sleep in our bed, by my side. I woke up for fajr and get to read Surah Al -Kahfi before starting the day. I get to cook breakfast for my husband with jazz music playing in the background. 

I went to office feeling fresh, donning a newly bought scarf. I tend to the office plants just to make sure they all get enough sunlight. Now I'm writing this while drinking hot chocolate since the office feels extra cold today.

Its Friday so extra Salawat to our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW. Been reading a few posts about his characters. He is the best of mankind hence that is why, we should all follow his footsteps. Hopefully, we get to meet him in Paradise. Aameen.. 

Who I Wish to Become

Building new habits starts with knowing who you want to become through those habits.

Since I am reaching my final year in my 3 series era, I constantly think about my retirement. What it is going to look like and what I am going to do if I ever live long enough to reach my retirement age.

First of all, when do I want to retire? Perhaps after my cash savings (not including KWSP) reach at least 300K? If I save/invest RM 2.5K every month, I can get RM300K in 12.5 years. When can I start to save RM2.5K per month?

My monthly commitment has been high as of late. I could set a budget and stick to it. I need to limit my expenses to just RM 4000 per month. As of now, I am saving at least 1K per month. I will start to save more next month. 

Then again, rizq is from Allah and Allah is the best planner. If Allah is pleased with us, He will grant us more rizq and even guide us to make a good financial planning so that we would be able to achieve whatever we want. I need to remember that every dollar spent for the Sake of Allah, He will returned the dollar, tenfold. Who I wish to become is a generous person. All the money I have is meant for others but those I gave away for the sake of Allah, will be recorded as good deeds and this will help me in the Hereafter.

It is decided. This year's habits should center around pleasing our Creator instead of worrying about what will be given to us. The focus should be on paradise and the Hereafter because that is definitely where we will end up at. I wish to have palaces, beautiful palaces built for me in Jannah. Perhaps, every time i visit a huge beautiful building, I will be reminded of paradise and palaces in paradise. 

Waking up as early as 5am for tahajud and subuh prayer with my husband. Voluntary fast on Mondays and Thursdays and all other special days. Consistently giving out sedaqah and helping those in need. I just increased my monthly zakat payment since my salary was revised. I pray that Allah accepts it from me and forgive my sins. 

I've started to get physically active as well as sleeping early. I also read books before bed these days. Perhaps these habits could help to reduce the amount of time I spent in front of the tv. 

I want to continue increasing my love for Allah. Remembering all His mercy and rizq that He has given me through out my life. How He protected me and continue to love me despite my transgression. How He forgive me and rewarded me for my patience. 2022 was such a miraculous journey. I pray that 2023 would be even better, insyaAllah.

p/s - Perhaps it is time to restart my offline gratitude journal. 

  

Manifestation (3)

 Alhamdulillah.. 

I must say, writing a manifestation has been a magical journey. The last manifestation post that I wrote in July manifested in September. I wrote about Royal Caribbean Cruise, we bought the holiday package for it in September. I wrote about Hajj. We actually went for Umrah in October. MasyaAllah. As to the 3rd on the list, I'm still working on my physique. I'm healthy, that what matters right?

Let's start manifesting good things in 2023.

1. A trip abroad with Adly. Either Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia or Turkey even Europe

2. Increase in sadaqah jariah.. I need to find ways to increase this good deeds and not worry about rezq. Trust that the more you give out, the more Allah will replaced it for you

3. UK and Europe is still in my list. Added Turkey and Uzbek too.. I wish to visit all beautiful mosques in the world. Starting with those in Malaysia and neighbouring countries like Banda Acheh in Indonesia. Travelling as a habit perhaps? May Allah ease..

4. Tahajud is my habit. Hopefully it will last my lifetime. May Allah grant us istiqamah. The benefit is great. I just need to motivate myself to sleep early and wake up earlier.

5. Increase my retirement savings increased this year. I want to have a retirement where all we do is travel. Yearly visit to the holy lands insyaAllah and visit all the wonders of the world.  

2023

 Its the 3rd of January 2023 (Tuesday). First day of working for this year. 

Another year. Hopefully a much peaceful and happier year now that everything is in its place. I don't have many resolution plans. I feel like I've accumulated too many bad habits that I need to let go off this year.

Since I intend to travel more this year, I need to save more money meaning spend less. I need to track my spending so I know where my money went and just dump a chunk of my salary into my saving. Automate everything so that I don't have to think about it. I'm setting up everything now so that I don't have to worry or even think about it later. This year I'm trying Wahed Invest. Another robo investor. The basic idea behind investing is to do it regularly so that the money you invested is compounded.

The narrative that has been circulating for the past months or so is that the world will enter a terrible financial crisis and therefore everyone should be prepared for it. I am not an expert in economic but I do know that savings regularly is simply a good habits to have. Let's just do that this year and be mindful of our spending.