Farewell 2014

Soon 2014 will be just a memory. As I sit here in my office, alive, well fed, dry, healthy and happy, I cannot help but to reflect back on what had happened to me for the past year.

It has truly been a bitter sweet year. Every year started off with a birthday. My birthday. Being semi single at the moment was not fun. I was emotionally and physically unavailable. I got into an accident right after my birthday week. Not a good start to the year at all.

I was misdiagnosed with cancer in March. Stayed for almost a month in the hospital. When through 3 major operations and survived. Alhamdullilah. God is truly the Most Merciful

May, tested again. I lost my best friend. Baiti. I pray that we will meet again in the hereafter. In a better place. I pray that Jannah is granted for you my sister. I miss her so much...

Losing my only close friend made me think about this life, the afterlife, my purpose on this world. I start to rediscover my self. I found solace in my companions eyes, their life, their struggle most of the time is the same with mine, their pure hearts, their kindness in accepting me in their life. I rekindle old relationships which was unbroken even after so many years. I thank God for lending them to me as He has lent Baiti to me.

God is Most Merciful, Most Loving. He showered me with so much love this year. I lost 1 old friend and  He gave me 2 new friends. My housemates. They are younger than me. Way younger but since I never fully grow up myself, we hit off well. I would like to show them the world through my eyes as they are sharing their world with me the same way. They made me hike Bukit Broga 2 weeks after my last operation. They made me eat Korean food. They made me feel young again.

I was determined to change for the better. I reconnect with God and my family and also friends. Don't get me wrong, change is hard. I am still struggling. Almost everyday I prayed for my deen to be steadfast but it's hard. So hard that sometimes I gave in to temptation. In short, my deen is still week.

Although 2014 is the toughest year I have ever encounter, I am grateful that I am still alive, well and happy. It was a tough year for my family as well and hopefully, all the tests given by God brought us closer as a family and closer to God's grace and His mercy. 

As much as I'm looking forward to 2015, I feel terribly sad having to leave 2014. This was the year that I felt so much love showered to me from all directions. 2014 was the year I feet at peace when I pray. I feel happy reading the Quran, I feel healthy fasting during Ramadhan, I feel easy going to the masjid for solah. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for showering with so much love, reward and blessings.

After attending Twins of Faith Conference, I am determine to occupy my time with knowledge seeking, self repairing and improvement. I need to be more involved and more active in preparing for the afterlife. I am not sure how 2015 going to treat me, but I am very sure that I also going to meet my maker one day.

Have a blessed New Year family and friends, InsyaAllah!