My Fear Factor

As we are approaching the end of 2015, I could not help but to reflect on all the things that happened this year.

The year started slowly but surely I made improvements in multiple areas in my life. Career wise I could feel my faith became stronger and I was happier. I was at the peak of my faith in July. I was at my happiest and most content.

However, things started to shake in August onward and I could feel I was spiraling down a wormhole. Its a slow spiral downwards and I could feel that I am still spiraling. I am fighting the spiral coz I know what waits for  me at the bottom but somehow.. just somehow I feel that i do not have enough strength to fight.

I was happy at my comfort zone for 3 months then I felt the need to shake things up. Taking risk, doing things I'm not suppose to just for the sake that I am tired and bored staying stagnant.I fear that the risk I took is not worth it. It has no value. Its useless.

I could justify all my actions may it be right or wrong but I could not accept he fact that I keep doing things I'm not supposed to when I am very much aware of the consequences.

Did I stop to care of the consequences? No

Why do I keep doing it? Do I do it to feel accepted? Wanted? Desired? Yes

I am being accepted and wanted but by those who are undesirable. I fear that I'm selling my self short. I fear that my personality made me an easy target to be taken advantage at.

I feel the need to focus on my desire. So my 2016 would be to focus on things that made me happy and content.

I really really need to spend some time thinking about this.

Last year was about faith. This year I want to focus on something else but at the same time maintain my faith at a certain level.

What is that something else? What makes me happy and fearless?

1.  Financial Freedom - have a sturdy saving account.i.e to have at least a surplus of RM5000 before end of 2016 (RM420 per month)
2. Travel to at least 2 international destination in 2016 - Indonesia - to visit Reni and perhaps Vietnam for the coffee scene. Krabi/Koh Samui - islands hop
3. Fall madly in love with my life. Beautiful, healthy and happy.

Eating From Baby Diapers (Viral Post)

Since yesterday I have seen shares regarding a baby shower in Malaysia that made guests use diapers as plates for their food. Yes. Baby diapers as plates instead of paper plates or plastic plates or glass plates.

Whatever!

Most commentators are just disgusted with the image. But I think they are disgusted by their own thoughts and imaginations. Most people are simple minded really. Diapers are for poops and not food. Simple right? You do not need high education to arrive to that simple conclusion.

from Google image

I decided to write on this because I just don't share the same reactions. I don't feel disgusted. If I was at the baby shower and that is how they are serving their food, I would not mind it at all. After all, its baby diapers that are clean and unused.

There are other argument stating how expensive it is to use diapers instead of the usual paper plates, how wasteful it is, how inappropriate it is how it is not what the Islam teaches bla bla bla.. You can argue till the cows come home but its their freaking baby shower, its their freaking money so let them do what they want. People on the social media are sharing the posts just to curse and say bad things to the event organizer when they did  not even invite you to the event. You were not ask to eat using diapers.

Why bother la wei???

Seriously people. I see videos of Syrians kids picking up bread crumbs on the ground. The crumbs covered in dusts and God knows what. They put it in their mouth. It is still food to them. Who give a shit about that?? Only a handful of us shares the video.

There are bigger issue to think about, to discuss, to share. Start by looking into your own personal affairs. Are they in order? If they are not, why are we meddling in someone else's life? Why?

Give it a rest people. Live your life and stop being so sensitive to petty issues.

Touched

I am touching a life, helping it to grow and change for the better in sha Allah. Perhaps I am also touching a heart in the process. In return, his small gestures touches my heart. A finger under my eye, to remove a fallen eyelash. A thumb on my cheek, to remove bread crumbs (i am a messy eater)

The thing is I could fall for this guy. But my guard is so high up right now.I need more than small gestures. I need more than love and happiness. I need an everlasting love. Love till the end of time the end of days. Only God could provide me with such love. No man posses such infinite love.

Why am I craving for that love? Maybe because deep in my heart, I know I could attain it. I just have to increase in my worships, my good deeds, my love for Allah and Prophets.

I just need to be consistent. Be patient. Keep praying and believe in His mercy.

Help

I am currently assisting a friend in changing his life. I pray that God grant me the strength  and ability to properly assist him.

Others would probably called me crazy. To be so willing in helping a person whom I just knew for a couple of months. I am the type of person who do not think too long and too hard when it comes to helping people.

Once my heart whispers, help them coz I could afford to help them, just do it. Don't think of what I will get in return. Just help because you could.

Now my mind wants to think long and hard about helping him further due to what transpired yesterday. Being treated like a piece of nothing for a few minutes made me wonder. But I am not wondering too long. Coz its a total waste of time.

I am just gonna do what I would for as long as I could.