My Fear Factor

As we are approaching the end of 2015, I could not help but to reflect on all the things that happened this year.

The year started slowly but surely I made improvements in multiple areas in my life. Career wise I could feel my faith became stronger and I was happier. I was at the peak of my faith in July. I was at my happiest and most content.

However, things started to shake in August onward and I could feel I was spiraling down a wormhole. Its a slow spiral downwards and I could feel that I am still spiraling. I am fighting the spiral coz I know what waits for  me at the bottom but somehow.. just somehow I feel that i do not have enough strength to fight.

I was happy at my comfort zone for 3 months then I felt the need to shake things up. Taking risk, doing things I'm not suppose to just for the sake that I am tired and bored staying stagnant.I fear that the risk I took is not worth it. It has no value. Its useless.

I could justify all my actions may it be right or wrong but I could not accept he fact that I keep doing things I'm not supposed to when I am very much aware of the consequences.

Did I stop to care of the consequences? No

Why do I keep doing it? Do I do it to feel accepted? Wanted? Desired? Yes

I am being accepted and wanted but by those who are undesirable. I fear that I'm selling my self short. I fear that my personality made me an easy target to be taken advantage at.

I feel the need to focus on my desire. So my 2016 would be to focus on things that made me happy and content.

I really really need to spend some time thinking about this.

Last year was about faith. This year I want to focus on something else but at the same time maintain my faith at a certain level.

What is that something else? What makes me happy and fearless?

1.  Financial Freedom - have a sturdy saving account.i.e to have at least a surplus of RM5000 before end of 2016 (RM420 per month)
2. Travel to at least 2 international destination in 2016 - Indonesia - to visit Reni and perhaps Vietnam for the coffee scene. Krabi/Koh Samui - islands hop
3. Fall madly in love with my life. Beautiful, healthy and happy.

Eating From Baby Diapers (Viral Post)

Since yesterday I have seen shares regarding a baby shower in Malaysia that made guests use diapers as plates for their food. Yes. Baby diapers as plates instead of paper plates or plastic plates or glass plates.

Whatever!

Most commentators are just disgusted with the image. But I think they are disgusted by their own thoughts and imaginations. Most people are simple minded really. Diapers are for poops and not food. Simple right? You do not need high education to arrive to that simple conclusion.

from Google image

I decided to write on this because I just don't share the same reactions. I don't feel disgusted. If I was at the baby shower and that is how they are serving their food, I would not mind it at all. After all, its baby diapers that are clean and unused.

There are other argument stating how expensive it is to use diapers instead of the usual paper plates, how wasteful it is, how inappropriate it is how it is not what the Islam teaches bla bla bla.. You can argue till the cows come home but its their freaking baby shower, its their freaking money so let them do what they want. People on the social media are sharing the posts just to curse and say bad things to the event organizer when they did  not even invite you to the event. You were not ask to eat using diapers.

Why bother la wei???

Seriously people. I see videos of Syrians kids picking up bread crumbs on the ground. The crumbs covered in dusts and God knows what. They put it in their mouth. It is still food to them. Who give a shit about that?? Only a handful of us shares the video.

There are bigger issue to think about, to discuss, to share. Start by looking into your own personal affairs. Are they in order? If they are not, why are we meddling in someone else's life? Why?

Give it a rest people. Live your life and stop being so sensitive to petty issues.

Touched

I am touching a life, helping it to grow and change for the better in sha Allah. Perhaps I am also touching a heart in the process. In return, his small gestures touches my heart. A finger under my eye, to remove a fallen eyelash. A thumb on my cheek, to remove bread crumbs (i am a messy eater)

The thing is I could fall for this guy. But my guard is so high up right now.I need more than small gestures. I need more than love and happiness. I need an everlasting love. Love till the end of time the end of days. Only God could provide me with such love. No man posses such infinite love.

Why am I craving for that love? Maybe because deep in my heart, I know I could attain it. I just have to increase in my worships, my good deeds, my love for Allah and Prophets.

I just need to be consistent. Be patient. Keep praying and believe in His mercy.

Help

I am currently assisting a friend in changing his life. I pray that God grant me the strength  and ability to properly assist him.

Others would probably called me crazy. To be so willing in helping a person whom I just knew for a couple of months. I am the type of person who do not think too long and too hard when it comes to helping people.

Once my heart whispers, help them coz I could afford to help them, just do it. Don't think of what I will get in return. Just help because you could.

Now my mind wants to think long and hard about helping him further due to what transpired yesterday. Being treated like a piece of nothing for a few minutes made me wonder. But I am not wondering too long. Coz its a total waste of time.

I am just gonna do what I would for as long as I could.

Menjauh

Menjauh dari Allah. Menjauh dari segala hal.

Rasa makin menjauh dari semua hal semua benda semua orang. Now aku paling paling malas nak bercakap dgn housemates. They are nice girls a definite blessings from God. but I do not know why, I have less and less interest to talk to them and spend time with them.

Its been awhile since I go back to my hometown. Anna is at home currently. Mom is busy with her business. Dad is minding his own. Yus is pregnant. So I spent most weekends at Wah's since she just had a new baby and mom has not see the baby yet. Its been at least 2 weeks. Its weird but that's mom. She can hold on to grudges forever. I pray that Allah make it easy for her to let go of the past and just move on.

Its also been awhile since I have a meaningful conversation with Ridzuan. Its all mundane and routine questions. There are frictions here and there but nothing serious or major. I found that some of his thoughts are repetitions and they just annoying.

I do not feel lonely tho. I always have friends when I need to talk to someone. I have my work to go to. I have my COC. I have my bed and amazing pillows. Thank God for all of that!

I think I need a bigger bed LOL!

Probably a tatami mattress. Am i losing it??

I hope not

Oh October!

All praises to Allah for granting me today.

No posts at all in September. I have no excuse really. Been somewhat down. Felt less enthusiastic. I was not in trouble or anything like that. Perhaps things at work have become a bit challenging.

Challenge is good. It will make you grow. But, its been awhile since I was somewhat stressed at work. With God's assistance, I'm sure i can get thru this. Cannot help but to feel the need to make a move. Somewhere else.

I know that it will be the same. Work will always have moments. Stress and pressure is part of an adult working life. You just have to accept them all with arms wide open. Manage your stress smartly so that the stress would not be managing you.

I feel like looking around but I have yet to start looking. If however my manager decides to go. I might go as well. I do not  think I could handle my Managing Director and all this management drama going on. I'm sure God has His plans. So, I'm letting Him take over.

My career, my love life, my everything. Allah is the best planner, that much I know.

Aiming to write more. In sha Allah. In the meantime, have a blessed Monday.

Part 3: Getting to Know Me (Adaptability - Am I a Social Chameleon?)

I remembered my time in Sabah. Its not a short getaway as I was there for 8 days and 7 nights. I spent 5 nights with Ridzuan's family in Kota Belud. His family house is a modern kampung house, hand built from ground up by his dad. His dad is not a professional contractor. He is a civil servant. An honest and hardworking one.

My mom's house in Johor looks somewhat the same as their house. So, I was comfortable spending several nights there. I was warned by his sister that their house is somewhat warm during the day and sometime at night. I was a bit worried at first. I can handle sleeping in freezing coldness but not hot. I can't sleep if I'm sweating. I must say I was quite nervous. 

When I first arrived at the house, it was a hot day. So I'm like... "She was not exaggerating when she said it's gonna be hot in here". However, the heat did not bother me 1 bit. There were a few nights when there were no electricity due to heavy rain. I wan not bothered. There was 1 morning when there is no running water, I was not bothered as well. There was 1 night which I hardly sleep due to stomachache, I was bothered by my stomach and that's it. I made my self several cups of black tea and made my self at home.

Looking back at these memories made me think to my self, how did I get so comfortable.  Its a foreign setting. Its been awhile since I was put in such setting. My late grandparents in Johor past aware for more than 10 years now. 

Truth be told, I was at ease. The nights when there was no electricity, I was not disturbed by it. I just sit quietly with my tablet, reading. Normally there will be mosquitoes biting me in the dark but there were none that I could remember of.

I give thanks to Allah for granting me ease all the time. Staying with a new family could get really awkward however, not in my case. There were  awkward moments, but I got through them with Allah's will.

Back to the question. Am I a Social Chameleon? 

I cannot say I am. I can strike a conversation with strangers. No issue. But I could be an awkward person when I am put in a strange uncomfortable settings.Uncomfortable settings to me is weddings, family gatherings, company functions. I took a bit of time to get comfortable. I could hardly blend in well with those settings. Or is it just a feeling of awkwardness in my head?

I do not know for sure. I pray that Allah is pleased with me and that is why He grant me such ease whilst I was spending my time in Sabah.

All praises to Allah.

Turning Back to Allah - Pleasing Him

I feel like I made a mistake. Somewhere...My heart is unsettled. The fact that I am not able to pray is not helping things at all.

I wanted to move forward planning my wedding yet something does not feels right. Is it because he has yet to send his family to speak to my family and officially seal the deal? I keep reminding my self. Those act is just formalities. If we could agree on everything between just the 2 of us and our families if coz, the formalities could be left behind. Religion before tradition.

Financial. It is a subject which I hate to think and discuss. To me, this is the subject that could ruin everything. No doubt that it is important. We need money for the ceremony, We need money to start a new life. We need money for everything but....

We always forget that Allah is the ultimate provider. He is the source to all our need. Whatever it might be, if we asked from Allah, He shall provide.

I need to shift back my focus. I need to pleased Allah. Not my self. Not anyone else. Pleased Allah first. Increase in my practice. Increase my ibadah. My good deeds. Everything I do has to be for Allah. I cannot lose that focus if I want to pleased Him.

This post is a bit all over the place. Scattered like my mind at the moment.

I'm sorry

Thoughts 19/8/2015

Too many things are running through my mind at the moment... Just writing down part of them so that I could evaluate each of them better in sha Allah..

I've been meaning to write about my time in Sabah. I kept thinking of how blessed I was. The hospitality and the acceptance shown by the family is just unbelievable. I feel so loved by them. I am so grateful. It was harder for me to leave the family then to say good bye to Ridzuan.

I am thinking of Ridzuan all the time these days. I must confess, there are times I doubt my decision. But every time that doubt creeps up, there will be signs shown to me reaffirming my decision. He has such kind and charitable heart. He is caring and loving. I keep on praying so that Allah will ease our plans and guide our hearts.

I am thinking of the future. If Allah is pleased with us, we will get marry and then what? Keep leaving separately? What if I got pregnant and he is far? Should I be thinking of all this when we are not even sure that we will get marry?

I want to properly plan my marriage ceremony. I did make a rough plan however, after we had a discussion on financial situation, I put everything on hold. I should be praying to Allah more. Ask Him to satisfy all my needs. We should be prostrating to Him more. Asking Allah to ease our plans and provides us with everything we need. Deep inside my heart, I firmly believe that, if Allah is pleased with our plans, He shall ease all our hardship. So lets refocus. Aim to pleased Allah more because we are asking him for more things now. Bigger things, better things.

Allah please forgive us if we have forsaken you....

These are part of the many many things that are preoccupying my mind rite this moment. Need to write more.

Raya 2015 (Part 2)

Alhamdulillah. I have safely landed in KLIA2 late last night. 8 days flew by so quickly in Sabah. I had an awesome time. Just sharing some of the pics. Will write more soon, insyaAllah...

Raya 2015 (Part 1)

Raya yg biasa2 je kot. Tak pernah looking forward to raya. I dislike raya shopping. So stressful. But it has to be done. I dislike raya traffic. so scary. My FB timeline today is filled with accidents report! nauzubillah..

Apart from d food and moments with family members, raya is bland for me. its too stressful. however, this year, i am looking forward to a full week in SABAH! So that is going to be my Raya part 2. 

I'm excited about that. Itu je. Now back in the office when everyone is still beraya, is so boring! Ramadhan... I miss you already!

Ramadhan 2015

All praises to Allah. It has been a fulfilling Ramadhan indeed. A stark difference between last year and this year's Ramadhan for me. Some of the highlights this year:

1. Able to perform solat Taraweh at Masjid Tuanku Mizan, Putrajaya (This is the first for me)
2. Iftar at Masjid Tuanku Mizan (Another first)
3. Taraweh at Masjid Kajang
4. Iftar at home with my awesome housemates
5. Taraweh at home in my own room. (This is another first for me)

I am still trying to khatam the Quran. May Allah grant me ease. It would be so awesome if I get to finished the whole Quran in time.

So tomorrow is the day I'm going home. I will be fetching my dad at KL Sentral first because he has doctor's appointment at IJN. After that, we are going to visit a friend in KPJ Damansara. I am thinking of doing a bit of shopping with my dad, we'll see how, tomorrow.

Pictures will be uploaded later, insyaAllah.

Down Syndrome's Baby

So recently a colleague of mine found out that she is expecting a baby. She was married about a year ago. She kept the secret under wrap for quite some. She was worried to tell anyone since she is slightly older than the average women who is expecting the first child.

So, she underwent all this checks to make sure the baby is healthy and normal. One of the test she took was a test to determine whether she will have a down syndrome baby or not. I am the type of person who loves to keep inquiring and at the same time observe how people think and  just reflect on my self. One of the burning question was " What would you do if the test result shows that the baby has down syndrome?"

Without any hesitation, she answered, "I will go for abortion. I know it is wrong, but I don't want the baby to suffer and I don't want to suffer."

Being the person who loves to share, I told her. In Islam, those who has special needs like down syndrome, they are very special. We call them people of paradise.Why? They are created by God to live and enjoy the world without facing any consequences. They could not think for themselves, they teach us to be patient. So to those families who are blessed with such special people, know that God is testing them.

If they are patient, if they take care of those who could not take care of themselves, those family will be rewarded with paradise as well.I told her, special need baby is a blessing. If you have one, just take care of the child. In the hereafter, the child will take care of you.

Anak aset ke syurga. How we mold them, care for them shall determine your life in the hereafter. Be grateful if you already have children of your own. I pray that God will given me children of my own one day.

Ameen

 

Getting to Know Me- Part 2

Its 12th of Ramadhan. Alhamdulillah... It has been a spiritually fulfilling period. However I am a bit sad coz I got my mens yesterday.. That explained why I was irritated the whole week last week. PMS and also Ramadhan test. I think I failed miserably.. However, I pray that Allah accepts my deed.

This year I was determined. I want to finished the Quran in this blessed month and also contemplate on the Quran. God is truly the Most Merciful. I am blessed to have the most magnificent housemates. They agree to accompany me to performed taraweh every night. We prayed at Masjid Kajang for the first night and during the weekends we went to Masjid Tuanku Mizan in Putrajaya.

MashaAllah.. That beautiful Masjid. Those awesome workers preparing iftar. The great imam with beautiful voice. I am truly blessed. Truly. I am hooked to that beautiful masjid. I couldnt imagine how happy I would feel to pray in the prophet's mosque when I feel so content in Masjid Besi. The feeling is indescribable..

All I can say is...Alhamdulillah. Thank you God for opening up my heart, for pulling me physically to the mosque. For giving me the physical ability to be there amongst those beautiful souls. May all of us reunited in Jannah together with the our beloved prophet Muhammad and his companions.

Since I have been listening to Mufti Menk's last Ramadhan tazkirah, i keep thinking of the companions of the prophets. Keep imagining them living with prophet Muhammad. Going through all those battles and trials. They fought to spread the deen. The go to war, spend their money just to make sure that we receive the deen today. We get to practice this beautiful faith freely today.

I wonder whether they even imagine all the ease and blessings that we get to enjoy today. To practice the deen peacefully, freely and openly. To have bountiful of food to eat. In many of the sirah, we know that the prophet often do not have much to eat. What ever he received, he would share amongst his companions. When he is presented with delicious food, the prophet remembers his daughter Fatima and asked some of the food to be sent to her as its been awhile since Fatima get to eat such food.Such love... Amazing subhanAllah....

Today, we are wasteful. Even in the month of Ramadhan. Oh Allah forgive  me. I do not want to be wasteful. If ever I'm not going to finished something, I would remind myself of the story of prophet Muhammad. Help me not to be wasteful ya Allah.

I hope all the good habits that I managed to gain during this Holy month, I could carry out after Ramadhan ended. I want to save enough money so I could pay for my own wedding ceremony. I want to have enough money to lead a comfortable life after marriage. I cannot be wasteful in anyway.

This is my weakness. Financial management. I hope I manage to overcome it with the will of Allah. Make me wiser. Oh Allah, give me enough so that I do not ask from anyone else but you. Allah is the ultimate provider. I believe that Allah shall provide so that I always have enough.

Thank you Allah for this contentment I feel. Alhamdulillah

Getting To Know Me (Part 1- Updates)

It has been a roller coaster day today. I've been so preoccupied with work alhamdulillah. May Allah grant me barakah for all the work I managed to complete today. Ameen..

I should be going home but I just feel like I need to write some of my thoughts down. Last night was a very fulfilling night for me. I made my self available for a friend. My intention was not to help her but to help my self by being available for her. I want to ease her burden and hopefully Allah would ease mine one day.

My intent was fulfilled when she started to opened up to me. Last night I get to know my self. Why I do what I normally do. The conversation started something along these lines.

My friend told me that she would sometime get offended by the things I said. Last night after we pray at the Putra mosque, my friend started to apologizing. Stating how sorry she is for making me come all the way to Putrajaya for her. I simply dismissed her statement by saying that I am not here for you. I am here for my self and for Allah. Meeting you tonight at the mosque grant me that.

She said she was offended by my statement probably by the way I said it. She knows I'm speaking the truth but probably the fact that I completely disregard her apology, bite her heart a bit. If she did not know me as well as she has, she would have been so angry..

After she told me that, I re-evaluate my self. Why I always do that. So I told her. I think, I said it due to the fact that I am not comfortable receiving an apology when I was not offended. I am not comfortable receiving appreciation when I do the thing I did not for the person who thank me. Everything I do is for Allah and my self. I guess, its my automatic defensive mechanism. When I feel uncomfortable, I snipe. When the person get offended with my remark, I simply ignored them because I feel that I did not snipe unnecessarily. I am just stating the truth. A fact. If you are so easily offended by the things I said, its your problem and not mine.

I could have been nicer to my friend. Acknowledging them but its is just not me. I give thanks when its due. I appreciate my friends with my own unique way. I could try to change a bit. Be a softer and nicer person perhaps. I have to contemplate on this.

Another thing that struck me last night was when she question my confidence in Allah. She asked me again and again on how I could simply decide to get marry and move to the other side of Malaysia in less than a month of knowing a guy.How am I not worried about financial stability? I told her that Allah is the ultimate provider. All we need to do is ask. She shook her head and asked. How can you have such confident. Its stated in the Quran and hadeeth. Once you got married for the sake of Allah, He will blessed you in so many ways. She shook her head again and said, I know its a hadeeth and its stated all over the Quran, but how could you get such trust and confident?

I have to ponder on the question for a few second. How did I get such conviction? When did I acquire such conviction? I told her, you did not went through what I went through last year. When I was at the hospital, being hook to so many machine, I realized, my breath is not mine. My heartbeat is not mine. I have nothing in this world which I could call my own. Everything is given to me by Allah out of His Mercy as He is the Most Merciful.

If Allah could bring a dead person to live, create this beautiful world, grant us the ability to think and feel, why can't Allah grant me ease and provide for me? Provision in terms of money and job security its worldly matters. Allah created heaven and earth and His power is limitless. As long as I strive to obey His instructions and avoid sinning, I am sure Allah would hear and grant my du'a. Allah granted my du'a when I was so ill and helpless last year. I was a sinner! Yet He showed me His Mercy. Now I am a better believer than who I was last year. I trust that Allah will guide me and my heart and ease my plans if my plans is good for me and my deen. I leave everything at His hand coz Allah is all knowing and I'm not.

We spoke and share our concerns and at the end of the night she told me how grateful she is to have me as her friend. Alhamdulillah... Honestly speaking I told her that, I know we are going to discuss some heavy subject tonight. I made a special du'a just to help me get through the sharing session with her. I asked Allah to help me say the right things hopefully I could ease her burden a little and in return, Allah could ease mine during the day of judgment.

Truth be told, I am preparing to meet my Maker for Judgement Day. There are so many things that I have not fulfilled and I am scared that I am going to die before fulfilling all my obligations towards my Maker. This is something I could not stop thinking about. I am not scared of death, I'm scared of dying without preparing enough provisions that could help me in the Hereafter.

May Allah forgive me and all of us. May Allah protect me from the Hell fire. May Allah give be happiness in this world and the next. Ameen...

Getting to Know Me (Part 1)

This concept is not foreign to me but during BeingME2015, that was the first time this concept was explained bu a Muslim scholar to me.

A Hadith of Rasul (SAW says that, "Whosoever knows himself knows his Lord"

Truth be told, the hadeeth hit me hard when I first heard it at Being Me. Its like being slap in the face. I hardly understands my self sometimes. Based on the hadeeth, it means that I am not as close to Allah as I wanted to be.

So, one of my resolution for this coming Ramadhan is to get to know me better and ultimately gained closeness to Allah.

So, getting to know me. The "current me" is not as complicated as the "former me". I would like to be known and seen as a simple person. I do not wear fancy labels (never have been). I still hates shopping for clothes, shoes and handbags and make up. My idea of make up is limited to moisturizer and compact powder. That's it. My mom (Oh Allah, bless her beautiful soul) still buy me clothes and purses whenever she went shopping coz she knows me fully well that I hardly buys anything on my own. I am grateful to have her as my mom.

Nowadays, my interest is limited to playing COC, reading FB postings related to good deeds and hadeeth as well as attending Islamic conferences and classes. I am not pious, yet. I covered my aurah but I could cover  my aurah more.. That's how I feel. I try to read the Quran everyday. I try to memorize my favourite verses like 2 last ayah in Surah al Baqarah and 3 last ayah in Surah al Hasyr. Currently I'm working on Surah Yaseen and Al-Kahf (May Allah grant us ease and May He accept it from us)

I think I am an Islamic Conference junky...Not a very nice term, I know but that's how I feel. I could not not buy all the tickets to the Islamic Conference that are being held in Malaysia. May Allah help me in striking a balance. I rather spent on the tickets then save for my marriage ceremony.. Oh Allah, grant us ease... I know that I need to strike a balance. I have exceed my resolution of attending 5 conference this year. So, I will only attend a few more if I receive unexpected wealth... Ameen...

I found so much joy when I get to share a bit of what I've learned with close family and friends. I get so high whenever I attend an Islamic Conference. My heart is touched and I would sometime cry whenever the name of the prophet and his sahabat is being mentioned. This is because I would recall Mufti Menk's speech on the companion of Rasulluallah last Ramadhan and the sacrifices they  made so that the deen came to us. So that we could enjoy what we have today... May Allah be pleased with all of them.

Nowadays I cry out of joy out of gratefulness. I have been blessed with so much love from Allah SWT. I feel so much love surrounding me each and everyday. Overwhelm with all the love, I offer voluntary prayers to thank Allah. Out of happiness, I would cry... Most of the time, I would feel that level of joy when I pray solat at the mosque. Beautiful Masjid Putra. I fell in love with that mosque. I find ease, love and comfort within that mosque. Coz I know, not many is invited to be in the house of Allah. I am grateful to have my heart so close to Masjid Putra.

I would have to stop here. I pray that I am protected from ujub and riak. This post is just my way of getting to know my ownself. My mind could be so scattered sometime and only by typing my thoughts down, I get to focus.Re-reading my own posts help to remind me of the things I felt.

My mind is still scattered. A friend needs me tonight. She said that her heart is unsettled. I asked her to meet me at Masjid Putra. I need to be mentally prepared to face her tonight. She sounded so stressed in her text messages. May Allah grant us ease. May Allah guide us onto the straight path.

Ameen...

What Do I Want Right Now

In the name of Allah, the most gracious and the most merciful. All praises to Allah almighty for everything that I have been blessed with today. It has been a slow day thus making it possible for me to write more that the usual.

Last night, I had dinner and a long conversation with one of my closest friend. I have many friends yet the one closest to me are not that many. I am the kind of person who is loyal thus having to commit to a bunch of close friends is a difficult for me.

So, the news of me deciding to marry someone whom I know for less than a month shocked her to the core. Thus, our conversation last night revolves around that. My decision, my thought process etc. For the record (my record so that I would not forget this), we decided to get marry at the earliest stage of the relationship. Way before our first phone call, our first meeting... SubhanAllah, i pray that Allah blesses this relationship.

Getting married is a huge decision. However, that decision was made by us in a split seconds (its more like 1 few days, less than a week). We do hope and pray that Allah guides our hearts and ease our plans. So,  my friend asked me, how could i make such decision without meeting the guy?

Honestly speaking, I was guided by my heart. I felt so much ease when communicating with Ridzuan. The topics we covered revolve on faith and our eagerness to pleased Allah azzawa jalla. I ask God to strengthen our love for Him through this relationship. Make us remember His Mercy and power even more through this relationship.

I am truly humbled by the whole experience. I told my friend that I do not deserve what I have been given thus making me feel so grateful to Allah for His blessings. I told my friend that I disobeyed Allah so many times yet He still blessed me with so much blessings. He gave me a relationship that put my heart at ease and made me more focus on my acts of worship. This sudden relationship made me realize how Great His power is. How he could connect 2 hearts from 2 distant place in a matter of days. If Allah wills something to happen all He need is to say "kun" and it happens.

I firmly believe that this feelings we shared for each other is bestowed to us by Allah almighty and if He wants, Ho could take it back. I am prepared to lose this feelings coz I am truly grateful to be given a glimpse, a taste of how pure love could feel like and what it could do to you.

I am determine to get closer to Allah and at the same time, prepared for more goodness he would give me.

SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, Allahhuakbar!  .  

Say A Little Prayer For You

Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah almighty for giving me the opportunity to write a little today.

I am well, alive, living in a peaceful country of Malaysia thus watching videos of children is Syria is breaking my little heart. Thus my prayer goes to them, the children of Syria and Gaza and every single Muslims that are being oppress by tyrants all around the world.

It is unbelievable how such cruelty and inhumanity could exist in our world today. How anyone could be so heartless. An old woman was killed by a soldier after she was given some water to drink. How could any one with a heart do such a thing..

Oh Allah... I pray that you grant all those who has been unjustly killed, the highest paradise.Oh Allah, gives them all strength and patience to go through the tests that you have prepared for them. Oh Allah, please forgive all of us who could only watch as our brother and sisters suffers at the hand of the kufar. Oh Allah, give us the ability to help them in anyway we can.

Mei Yang Dipenuhi Cerita

Dengan nama Allah yang maha Pemurah lagi Maha Mengasihani.

Sesungguhnya aku bersyukur dengan setiap apa yang aku miliki. Aku sedar bahawa setiap apa yang diberi oleh Allah hanyalah pinjaman. Untuk kita merasai nikmatNya. Oleh itu, aku betul2 menghargai setiap detik dan ketika rasa bahagia itu hadir.

Cukup utk aku katakan bahawa tempoh perkenalan kami masih singkat. Walau pun dia telah berjumpa dengan mak dan ayah, bagi ku selagi tiada ikatan yang sah, apa-apa saja boleh berlaku.

Kami bertemu, bertentang mata selepas 1 bulan berkenalan. Bagaimana kami berkenalan, biarlah aku rahsiakan dulu. Sebab ceritanya agak kelakar. Disebabkan dia di Sarawak, kami hanya banyak berhubung melalui Whatsapp dan perbualan telefon sahaja. 

Alhamdulillah...Walau pun pertama kali bersua muka, semuanya lancar. Kami berinteraksi seakan telah mengenali satu sama lain bertahun lamanya. Aku berkesempatan berjumpa ibu saudaranya serta adiknya. Aku turut berkesempatan memperkenalkan dia kepada seluruh ahli keluargaku kecuali Anna yang kini berada di London.

Sesungguhnya Allah adalah sebaik2 perancang. Aku yakin, berkat doa ibu bapanya si dia, perjalanan dan masa si dia di Semenanjung telah terisi dengan aktiviti-aktivi bermanafaat, insyaAllah.

Antara aktiviti yang telah berjaya kami lakukan:-

1. menghadiri ILMFEST di PICC Putrajaya (16-17 May 2015)
2. dinner and bowling session dengan beberapa orang rakan sekerja di IOI City Mall
3. kuliah tafseer di Masjid Putra
4. balik Kampar jumpa mak dan ayah
5. first movie - Pitch Perfect 2
6. his first sushi
7. short trip to Cameron Highland
8. Kellie's Castle impromptu trip
9. Hantar adiknya ke Tun Hussein Onn Uni
10. Melaka getaway

Harap dia gembira sepanjang 12 hari dia di sini.

A bit about him. He is a normal young guy. He is younger than me. He has good character especially towards the elderly. He is protective. So caring, so passionate about all the things he loves so dear. He has a soft heart and very compassionate towards the needy and animals. He is also a responsible and loving brother. He knows how to carry him self in new environment. He could be timid sometime but he is a fast learner. He has so much to learn and as long as has the willingness to learn and just be a better person, I think he is on the right path. He is good looking as well. So that's a definite bonus!! MasyaAllah!

Of coz ada negetive side of him which I shall not mention. I believe that he would be a better him once he improves his relationship with Allah.Same goes to me. I am not perfect. I am still improving to be a better muslimat. May Allah grant all of us ease.

Aku tak tau berapa lama Allah bagi aku rasa nikmat ni. Aku tak tau sama ada dia memang jodoh aku atau tidak. Kami memang bercadang untuk bernikah.Sejak awal perkenalan, itulah misi dan objektif kami. Tetapi, atas beberapa faktor yang memang tidak dapat dielakkan, rancangan kami mungkin terpaksa dilewatkn dari yang aku inginkan.

Aku percaya bahawa rancangan Allah itu yang terbaik. Jadi aku hanya mampu bertawakal dan redha dengan ketetapanNya.

Doaku setiap hari adalah, sekiranya dia baik untuk diri ku, agama ku, hidup ku dan mati ku, semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya untuk ku. Ameen...

Sabtu Penuh Ketenangan

Sabtu yang tenang. Alhamdulillah...

Hari ni aku habiskan untuk melayan kemahuan diri.. semenjak dua menjak ni, subuh aku terjaga... syukur.

Aku percaya, bila kita mulakn hari dgn mengingati Allah, hari tersebut akan dipenuhi nikmat dan kesenangan. selepas brunch seorang diri di IOI City Mall, membeli brg2 asas, aku balik ke rumah.

Aku disambut dgn senyuman oleh housemate ku dan rakannya.. bersyukur nya aku dipertemukan dgn teman serumah yg baik dan mengambil berat serta memahami diri ini yg sememangnya lain dr yg lain. Aku lebih selesa menyendiri, membaca atau melayan games di dlm bilik. jarang skali aku menonton tv.

Aku bukan anti sosial. Aku ada ramai kawan2.. alhamdulillah, semua memahami karakter aku yg unik. aku bukan berat mulut. bila smp mood aku bercerita, aku boleh cerita sampai esok hari. tp, aku lebih pandai mendengar dr bercakap. kata2 ku kadang kala terlampau jujur, lurus. orang tak biasa, mesti susah nak terima.

Berbalik semula kepada topik hari ku yg org lain mungkin akan kata membosankan, tapi bagi aku, this is my kind of weekend. selesaikn kerja yg x dpt buat di hari bekerja. memperbanyakkan ibadat fan zikir, merompak di COC. bahagia, tenang, alhamdulillah...

Hati ini masih diusik syaitan. Iman ini masih goyah. Semoga Allah mempermudahkan setiap urusan ku dan menerima setiap amalan ku.

Hidup ku & mati ku, hanya kerana Allah.

Kemahuan

Dah lama tak update blog ni. Nak kata busy, biasa je. Sekarang ni asyik bermain COC and enjoying persahabatan dengan rakan sekerja. Banyak benda aku nak update pasal ofis. Such as, aku dah ada assistant. Kalau nak bercerita pasal dia ni, kena set aside 1 post khas. As an introduction, her name is Kamilia. She is young, energetic and a ball of fun. Kehidupan aku kat ofis lebih kemas dengan adanya dia.

Its funny how I start this post with an update on my work instead of my personal life kan? Bukannya aku takde personal life, aku sekarang lebih enjoy di ofis berbanding di rumah. Kerja kat ofis makin lama makin pelik. 2 minggu lepas, department aku kena entertain sorang tetamu dari UAE. Apa kaitan legal dengan entertainment pun aku tak pasti. Memang la seronok, keluar makan, borak etc... Tapi, kerja hakiki yg menunggu kat ofis tu banyak kot..

Personal and private life aku agak huru hara as usual. Seperti biasa family aku penuh drama. Lepas ayah buat bypass aku just keep praying yang family aku tabah menghadapi apa sahaja dugaan yang akan datang. Walaupun keadaan hidup aku nampak agak huru hara, aku sangat-sangat bersyukur sebab Tuhan kurniakan aku hati yang sentiasa tenang walau pun puting beliung ribut taufan semua tengah berlaku depan mata. SubhanAllah... Aku betul2 bersyukur...

Aku akui, aku bukan alim ulamak mahupun ustazah sekolah agama rakyat. Tapi aku yakin, setiap yg berlaku ada hikmah dia. Walau betapa buruk dan seriusnya satu masalah tu, jalan penyelesaian dah disediakan oleh Allah. Kita hanya perlu yakin dan terus berdoa pohon agar urusan kita dipermudahkan.

Ada berita yg lebih best nak update kat sini. Tapi, post yang tu perlu ditulis dengan hati yang gembira dan ceria. Pagi ni hati ni sedikit gloomy..

Semoga Allah mempermudahkan setiap urusan ku.. Ameen

What is Life All About?

I have a friend who told me that sometime she feels that this life is meaningless. She live to work and then got sick and die. Life to her is too short and pointless to think about.

Well, she got one thing right. Life is short. After listening to lots of religious speeches, I now know that this life is not only short it is a test. A long drawn test and the result can only be seen in the Hereafter. As a single person I am tested with loneliness. Thus I need to find solace with the right companions, healthy activities, spending time wisely worshiping Allah. I must admit, I have not been doing as well as I should have.

Married people are tested with loyalty. Do you stay with the person you married through thick and thin or do you leave them once there is an opportunity?

Old people are tested with sickness. Going in and out of hospitals. Spending time in bed. Incapable of taking care of your own-self. Feeling helpless all the time.

In short, we are being tested every single day. In my opinion, every single test no matter what it is are a test of faith. Patience. Do you have the patience of waiting for the right person. Do you have the patience of going through hardship with your spouse, do you have the patience to recover from your illness.

Do you have the patience to pray to God, asked for His forgiveness, to ask for His Guidance and Blessings. It true that the act of worship is heavy and hard but not for the true believer.

I pray that all of us is granted His taufik and hidayah, and may all of us is steadfast in our deen.

February Concluded

A short but eventful month. It is a very short working month for me as I think, I worked less than 10 days last month. I took several days of leave to be with my dad at IJN. I took 1 day of extra leave for CNY, then I had to take 3 more emergency/compassionate leave due to the passing of my grandfather.

Yes, the family patriarch had left us forever. He is in a better place,  I pray to God that He is merciful and grant my Atok Jannah. It has been such a tiring month too be honest. I am glad and grateful that God grant me this strength and ease all the work for me.

I would like to share a more substantial post. I am thinking about Family and Faith. I think that was the theme last month. It was definitely the theme of my life.

I will write it soon, insyaAllah

Woman - A Creature of Loyalty

It has been a mentally and spiritually challenging week for me. However, I am forever grateful to be blessed with a positive mind and a strong spirit by Allah. Alhamdulillah...

My dad was admitted to the National Heart Institute last Saturday and he went a bypass surgery last Monday. Alhamdulillah, everything went smoothly and now he is recovering speedily and insyaAllah, he will be discharged tomorrow.

Apart from putting a brave face in front of my parents, I also lend a shoulder to a sister of mine who is facing a dilemma. I could not divulge the details of her problem. I rather share my opinion with regards to my opinion as a woman on the subject of loyalty in any relationship.

I humbly believe that being a woman, we are given the greatest gift by God that is to remain loyal and to stay true to something/someone that we have committed to. It can be a spouse, a job, a face moisturizer, a shoe or even a bag. We will use the same thing, buy the same brand and be with the same person despite their flaws. I do. I use the same face wash for the past 10 years. I am still wearing the same watch I bought more than 5 years ago, I have several shirts which I have worn for more than 10 years (its amazing how I still could fit them)

However, a normal human being with an intelligent mind, capable of thinking for their own self will stop being loyal for one same reason. We found something new and better and we know we could afford it. Its a simple logic right? We stop being loyal not because we are disloyal its simply because we found a better something/someone.

This topic deserve to be scrutinized further. Especially if it involves loyalty in a relationship. I shall not bore you with my current thoughts at the moment. If anyone is torn between 2 choices, just remember that the choice has already been made. Everything is happening under God's supervision. Nothing in this world could happen without His sanction as He is almighty, all knowing, all merciful.

May He guide us to the right path and save us from hell fire. Ameen.

17 Pintu Iblis Dalam Menyesatkan Manusia

Sharing of the Day. Hari ni time lunch hour dengar Kuliah yang disampaikan oleh Ustaz Kariman melalui video streaming. Korang boleh tengok video tu kat sini.

Nota ringkas.

Iblis tidak pernah henti-henti berusaha untuk menyesatkan manusia, anak-anak Adam. Even, masa kita beribadah pun iblis cuba untuk sesatkan kita. Itu sebab pentingnya kita mencari ilmu. Amal tanpa ilmu adalah sesuatu yang sia-sia. Ilmu yang dikongsikan hari ini adalah mengenalpasti 17 pintu yang iblis gunakan untuk menyesatkan umat manusia:

1. Bodoh/Jahil/Tidak berilmu
2. Marah
3. Cinta kepada dunia
4. Panjang angan-angan
5. Tamak
6. Bakhil
7. Sombong/Angkuh/Bongkak
8. Suka dipuji/Minta dipuji
9. Riak
10. Ujub
11. Suka mengeluh
12. Mengikut hawa nafsu
13. Buruk sangka
14. mencerca/menghina muslim yang lain
15. meremeh-remehkan dosa
16. merasa selamat dari seksa Allah
17. Berputus asa dalam mencari rahmat Allah.

Dalam video tu Ustaz ada elaborate mengenai pintu2 tersebut. So better korang tengok.dengar sendiri kuliah tersebut. Semoga beoleh manafaat, insyaAllah.

Banyak lagi kuliah-kuliah yang dianjurkan oleh Yayasan Ta'lim ni. Kalau korang nak tahu Yayasan Ta'lim ni kat TTDI. Good thing about its classes are diorang ada live streaming. Most classes are also free.Check out their blog here or their website www.yayasantaalim.com

2015 Resolutions - Increasing My Deen

This is the main focus for me this year InsyaAllah. Apart from all the obligatory salah and reading the Quran daily, zikir etc these items listed below are things I want to achieve this year. The checklist is as follow:

1. Provide financially for my parents on a regular monthly basis
2. Khatam the Quran 3 times this year.
3. Enroll on a weekly night class  (Tafseer class every Wednesday night at Masjid Putra, Putrajaya)
4. Attend at least 5 conference this year (Tickets bought for Marriage Conference 14 Feb, Straight Path Convention 28-29 Mar, Being Me, Love Aisha 13 Jun)
5. Umrah 2015
6. Fulfilling half my deen

Its a short list, but if I could them all, alhamdulillah! The main objective is to increase my deen by seeking knowledge. To improve my practise and making me a better muslim that who I was last year.

Item 1 on the list is something I keep reading and listening about it for the past week or so. There is a hadeeth stating that those who has a living parents yet failed to care for them is the worst loser of all. Prophet Muhammad states this to emphasize the importance of caring for your parents. 

For me personally, I have failed to constantly provide financially for them. I used to think that my parents is well taken care of since they have their own money and all but I think having and spending their own money and receiving from their children is different. I always try to pay for things that my parents wants to buy for themselves like clothes etc but I think they rather receive money so they could see how much we have been giving them. I am not sure, really. But I think my mom made it pretty clear that she rather receive money from me then me buying her stuff. Whatever it might be, since prophet already stated that it is an obligation, so, I am going to try my best to constantly provide for them.

As for item 2. Last year, alhamdulillah I manage to complete reading the Quran. Itried completing it during Ramadhan but I failed. This year I am going to try to complete it more than once, InsyaAllah.

Item 3 is something I did last week. I attended the first class with my housemate and my best friend. It was a beneficial class indeed. Apart from getting beneficial knowledge, I also get to pray magrib and isya' with a congregation. Alhamdulillah. I hope to be going to this class every week. InsyaAllah

Item 4 is something I really look forward to. After attending the Twins of Faith Conference, the World of the Unseen last month, I was looking forward to similar events this year. I have 3 conference tickets confirmed and insyaAllah I am going to bought the IlmFest ticket as soon as I get my salary this week! 

Item 5 is beyond my control however, I truly believe that if I am spiritually prepared, Allah shall invite me to be His guest. Since I am still underage, I need my dad to accompany me to the Holy land. My dad is currently awaiting to do a bypass surgery in February. InsyaAllah, once he is recovered, we shall go to Umrah together.

The last item is relating to my spouse. I am not sure whether I am meant to get married and have children in this world or not but I hope and pray that I will meet that someone who could complete my deen and take me and my family to Jannah. InsyaAllah

Sindrom Hujung Bulan

Rasa macam nak pergi jalan2... *sobs

Sindrom hujung bulan. Bila purse kian menipis, nafsu berbelanja tak ikut sama, hati meronta2 (amboih! puitis, phui phui!)

Hari Isnin. Mood kerja dah abis dibakar pagi tadi. Habiskan e-mail2 semua dah send. Tunggu respond pulak. Kepayahan kerja company global, agen  merata dunia ialah different time zone. Kita dah Isnin, yg kat US still nga happy happy on a Sunday. So, waiting and waiting and waiting...

Berbalik kepada craving aku arini nak pergi berjalan, aku asik dok teringat nak g Tioman. To me, it is the best island in Malaysia. Small, ada duty free, clean beach, blue water, a slice of heaven in Malaysia indeed.

Aritu ada plan ngn sisters and housemate ank g tioman. Tapi tu la, plan nak g reramai ni perlukan planning. Aku bab plan memang fail melainkan aku plan utk diri sendiri. Bila involve org lain, banyak benda nak kena maik kira. Leceh!

Nak pergi Tioman sendiri, memang tak la. Banyak kes Tioman ni. Tourist kena rape and kill la. Tourist hilang masa jungle trekking la. Scary k. Takpe la. Hari ni kita berangan dulu. Tahun ni adalah tahum world tour. Banyak tempat nak pergi tapi paling nak pergi, honestly, pergi buat Umrah.

Semoga diri yang hina ini dipanggil untuk m enjadi tetamu Allah dirumahNya insyaAllah.

2015 Resolutions

Each year, everyone will try to set new resolutions. My friends asked me about my resolutions. I simple told them, I just want to be a better person than I was last year. That's all. Last night I went for a tafseer class. The Ustaz told me that the number of students attending the class will slowly decrease as the years went by. It shows that we are not serious about our knowledge seeking and we do not hold firm to the purpose of knowledge seeking. He reminded us about the purpose of our live on earth which is to be tested. Because of that, I would like to excel in this year's test and stary with having a resolution/plan on how I am going to spend 2015. InsyaAllah...

2 days ago, I was appraised by my superior. Its a yearly thingy. It a good process, in my opinion. It gives us the chance to reflect on what we had done for the past year or so. As 2014 was a trying year for me, my family and also my superior, at the end of the appraisal, we were deeply satisfied that we managed to complete all crucial tasks assigned to us. Alhamdulillah...

We were amazed actually with what we had accomplished. Corporate restructuring, AGM, disposal of land, Safety Day, MashaAllah... there were so many things done and this was accomplished despite the fact that I was admitted for 24 days and I was on hospitalization leave for 60 days!

God is great and Most merciful. With His guidance and blessings we managed to have a great year. So today I am supposed to come up with a list of expectation for 2015. I was supposed to submit it during the appraisal but my initial submission was rejected. My superior would like to know what I am expecting from him as a superior.

It's not that I dislike expectations as it might leave me frustrated it they were not fulfilled, its just that I have learned from my experience that, if you could accomplished something yourself, do it. Don't ask from others. Don't wait around.

Honestly, I have no clue what to tell him. I guess I expect him to be supportive and caring as he has always been. He is a great boss and I could not ask for more. 

Back to my new year resolutions, it consists of a few important matters. First and foremost is my deen. I would like to strengthen my deen by getting more involved in charity works and going to classes. Pray at the masjid as often as I can and read the Quran everyday. Then my family. I would like to be a good and caring daughter. Able to provide emotionally, spiritually and financially for my family. Then my health. I would like to stay lean and fit. Lastly my finance. I would like to be more prudent in managing money.  

I will work out the details in my next post insyaAllah.

Sending my Prayers through Malaysia's Clear Blue Sky

Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah for the most beautiful sky this week. After a month long rain, now it is sunny every morning. So sunny that I could get into an accident if I'm not careful driving as the sun is in my eyes almost every morning. Thank you God for protecting me and keeping me safe on the road.

I think it is important to take some time to appreciate what we have been given instead of complaining on what we do not have or all the problems we are facing in our everyday life. So I am grateful for so many things but most of all I am grateful to be able to see this magnificent blue sky every morning this week.

However, there are people who is blessed with health and wealth yet find it hard to be thankful and keep telling everyone of how terrible his/her life is. How huge his/her problem is and forgetting the fact that there are other people, real people with even more serious problem in their life yet they are strong and steadfast in their course.

I'm not here to be a hater to negative people, just that I am totally frustrated. These people are a reminder for me to look past their faults and look into my life. When I encounter these types of people, I take it as a sign from God asking me to evaluate my life. If I am frustrated with their attitude towards me, do I have the same attitude and am I acting the same way perhaps not to others but to God almighty?

I am quite positive that I have the same attributes to those annoying people that came into my life crying telling me how bad their fate is. Let's look into my life, my action. Everyday (almost) I keep asking for protection, for blessings, for rezk yet I did not do enough to show my gratitude towards what I have been given. I still feel I am lacking in every possible way.

This is a clear sign showing that my deen is still weak. I keep saying this and posting this do I want this?

No!!

So, is it enough to recognize the weakness over and over again yet failed to improved my practice? I don't think so...  *sigh*

This is my test. Which I keep on failing. God please forgive me. Please help me to keep my iman.

January: Charlie Habedo, K-Pop Rage, AirAsia Indonesia & Pantai Timur Floods

A shaky start to the year. A plane crash, floods in Pantai Timur, Charlie Habdo Paris attack, K-Pop uproar etc etc.

I didn't mean to be so lazy, but I have been productively churning my work at the office *wink
The truth is, there is so much to be done, it is so hard to focus on anything. Me being me, I complete the easiest tasks first and just put everything else in the back burner until my boss start to ask about them *sigh

What is up with me you might ask. I have a long tasks list from my boss and on top of that I am also a committee member of our company Annual Dinner which is going to be held this Friday! Boss is listing down all that I need to do since appraisal is due sometime next week, he has to attend an annual sales meeting this week and my input is a reflection of his performance during his appraisals with the big boss.

My problem at my workplace seems so small compared to those involved in AirAsia Indonesia's tragedy, huge floods in east coast of Malaysia, those killed in Charlie Hebdo attack and also those involved in the K-Pop concert fiasco last night. I have a friend working with AirAsia Indonesia. Thank God she was on a short break when the disaster strikes. As for the flood situations, I feel sad and blessed both at the same time. I can see love and assistance pouring from all directions to all the victims. It is a soft reminder from God to us Malaysians. It clearly shows that we are protected in Allah's great hands. We are being loved hence the tests.

As for Charlie Hebdo, words cannot described my sadness over the incident. But then again, drawing and insulting our beloved Prophet is not freedom of speech. Then again, killing those involved in the name of Allah, cannot be condoned. One of my favourite speaker, Ustad Nouman Ali Khan rightly point out that no writings, drawings, insults can take away the dignity of our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW as it was bestowed on him by light by Allah, God Almighty. Nothing and no one could take it way. I have to agree with him all the way.

With regards to K-Pop concert fiasco, I would say that the issue became so big due to the fact that those who were invited on stage were Muslims girls in hijab. If they were non muslims or muslim sisters not wearing hijab, I am pretty sure that they wouldn't be such a huge uproar. I do hope that people should stop circulating those embarrassing videos and photos of the fanatics fans. We should concealed our sister's wrong deeds as we pray to Allah that He will concealed ours. So, let's not point fingers and spread hates on a beautiful Monday like today so, I end this post with Nabil the comedian fave catch phrase, "LU PIKIR LA SENDIRI"

Celebrating Birthday at Masjid Putra, Putrajaya

When I was small and young and still living with my parents, I always celebrate my birthday with the family. My birthday celebration was never a huge thing, but there will be food, birthday cakes and drinks and photos.

As I grew older, being away from family, I try to make it a point to come home and still celebrate it with family especially when my birthday is the same day as the new year. Celebrating birthday with my friends are is a rare occasion but its never too late to start a new tradition right? So, starting from this year, I start to

seek solace in the house of Allah and be among the righteous during my birthday. 

Alhamdulillah, God is most merciful. He grant me another day to live and the opportunity to be among the righteous on my birthday. My housemate, a sahabah and I gather with a few hundreds Malaysians at Masjid Putra, Putrajaya on 31st December 2014. The beautiful masjid organised a beautiful event where muslims could gather and pray and give thanks to Allah. There were also talks by the local ustaz. Two siblings join forces that night and share their knowledge. Ustaz Kazim Alias and Ustaz Najmuddin is a good pair. Entertaining yet very fulfilling. 

Through their lectures, they inspire me to have a different type of new year resolution. A simpler one. To focus on doing good deeds. Through their lectures, I was reminded that Jannah is the ultimate goal. It is the greatest gift of all. Thus the price we have to pay for it is very expensive. Let's do all the good deeds we could. Hopefully, it could help to pay for our ticket to Jannah, insyaAllah. 

That night I manage to secure myself some birthday gifts too... A bottle of kismis and Yassin and Zikir CD to be listen to while driving.

I am grateful to be alive, to be surrounded by those who love and care for me. So this year's resolution is about fulfilling my cravings. My soul craves knowledge. My spirit wants to be with positive and loving individuals. I want to spent more time learning about Allah, Prophet Muhammad SAW, the Quran and everything else about being a Muslim. I want to use the time granted by God to me to help others, to make others smile so that my heart too can smile with them.

I pray that Allah shall guide me to the right path. Help me to become steadfast in my deen and grant me patience when my deen is being tested. Aameen...