Thank you Allah for making it easy for us.
This umrah felt different for a number of factors:
- we went on our own. DIY style. we were left to our own device and we left our fate to Allah.
- i went with my husband. the person i prayed for during my last umrah in 2018
- i can feel how close Allah is with me through out the journey
- there were many tests with the sole purpose of teaching me the true meaning of 'sabr'
- my heart yearns to be in tanah suci even more now compared to my last umrah
I'm feeling very small changes or progress I'm making in my everyday life. It doesnt feel like much, I still feel like I'm not doing enough but I really am trying my very best. I pray that I get to increase my ibadah.
One of the revelations or reminders that was given to me was my doa for paradise.
In Ramadhan of 2019, I pray to enter paradise through the easiest way possible that is through a husband who is pleased with me. If I was meant to not have a husband, i pray that Allah makes me good enough so that Rasulullah SAW is the one who will invite me to enter jannah.
As Jannah is expensive and the roads that leads to jannah is long and hard, Allah put upon me trials after trials which concerns my husband. The way he treated me during umrah was an eye opener. He was unusually impatience and occasional rough when he spoke to me. All I can think about is Allah is testing my patience so all I need to do is sabr because sabr is half of imaan.
Being a soft hearted and super tearful person, I did broke down a few times due to his actions. I know that it is especially bad for my husband if he is the one who caused my tears to fall. Every time it happens, i will istighfar and seek forgiveness to Allah for our weaknesses.
Now, I am actively looking for ways to get even closer to Allah and not lose this special bond forged with Allah during umrah. May Allah make it easy for me.