Anthony Bourdain - Story of Depression

Yesterday I spent some time watching the Roadrunner, a documentary on Anthony Bourdain. Did you know that he committed suicide? His story is eerily similar to Chester Bennigton, Linkin Park lead singer who also died after hanging himself as well as the famous fashion designer Kate Spade.

What these 3 have in common is they could have mental illness and suffering from depression. I am sure there are other probable common underlying factors, but to me, being successful comes with one apparent disadvantage. The idea of normalcy in your mind and those around you does not match with your reality. Whether you are mentally prepared to live in your reality when at the same time you keep on observing other people's life and their idea of normal. How does one reconciled these conflicting ideas?

I don't know why I always have this urge to do a deep dive after watching movies that are based on true story or a book and also documentary especially when the subject matter involves possible psychological issues. Am I in the wrong profession or is psychology just my side interest? A question to ponder in deed. I digress.

The cold hard truth is depression and mental illness is definitely on the rise. I'm not a qualified medical psychologist in any way shape or form, but I feel that mental illnesses are real medical issues. but they are very hard to diagnose and treated because the symptoms are not visible to the eyes. Depressions can take many form and could stem from so many sources. The fact that social media, the very medium that is supposed to bring people together but in reality is driving people further apart could be the main culprit.

I do feel like social media plays a huge role in the rising number of depressions especially amongst the younger generation. These interactive platforms that constantly feed our mind with celebrity updates, million dollar mansions and lifestyle of those rich and famous will definitely made any normal person green with envy. 

I do believe that we should do more to combat this. People need to be aware of the common symptom of mental illness not just for self diagnosis purposes but also to make sure our love ones do not suffer such torment alone. A community drive in the form of mental health awareness campaign should be promoted loudly and widely. Therapy sessions should also be made accessible everywhere and those public/training hospitals that already have those services should do more to promote their services

Kuching 2022

Last week we went to Kuching, Eddy's hometown. It was my 2nd time in Kuching. Its the first time I went back as married couple. Overall, it was a great trip. We went to many makan places and do things that I really enjoyed that are sightseeing and food-hunting. 

We spent 5 days and 4 nights. It was tiring. Its been awhile since I properly planned a trip/holiday. I made lots of rookie mistakes. I need to remember to get a mid morning flight to Kuching instead of the first flight out and not to take the last flight back as we will missed the ERL.

Tiny things, tiny bugs that bug me.

When is an annoyance turns into a problem?  What should be tolerated and what kind of issues need to be addressed quickly?

Big and heavy problem

I need to lose a lot of weight. I can see that some of my clothes do not fit me well anymore. I am aiming at least  3 session of gym this week, hopefully i can do more and be consistent about it. Better yet, be obsessed about my fitness journey.

It is work if you rather be doing something else

I am assessing my life choices. I did this at the start of the year. I dropped the ball for the past 3 months and I need to reassess again.

Is there something else I would rather do than doing my 9 to 5 jobs? Honestly, I have no idea.

I gave video making a try last month. It was a process. Not that complicated process but still a process. It can be an easy process, I just need to stick to it. Have a schedule for it. Grind. 

It is hard to keep doing it if you don't really believe in what you are doing. If you don't think you can actually be good at it. [Let's fake it till we make it]

I need to set a goal. Do at least 20 vids and then see what happened? Perhaps I can use this down time to get some ideas. Work on a script or something.

Am I manifesting a bigger problem? I hope not. I need to change my mind fast

Berat Mata Memandang

 Alhamdulillah. Dah Jumaat dah...

It was the first full week of me being back in the office. It was somewhat a fulfilling week. My hours are filled with sitting in front of the PC, reading documents, emails and just watching the rest of the team work. 

At least in the office, I dont feel lonely. At times I feel bored. Complacent. Everything is  becoming too easy for me.

Tomorrow we are going to Kuching. The first time going back as a wife. I am slightly excited. At first I was planning to visit a lot of places. But now I am feeling rather tired. I just want to have a relaxing getaway instead.

I have no expectation. I will just go with the flow. 

I really need to get back on the program. I'm feeling sluggish and I think my performance is not at my 100%. I'm not giving my all to everything I am doing. I'm not doing well for some reason. I need to motivate my self. I was good at pushing my self to doing something, but now... I'm just tired all the time. 

Just stick to the plan. What is the plan again?